This little quest was Genuine's idea.
Ok so it's not Monday but at least I'm doing my part by sending on you a quest for some good reading. These are all very readable blogs. I am not sending you to some dead-end uninteresting trash sites. You should pay me to be a tour guide. Really. Ha.
One site I haven’t gotten around to adding to my daily reads list but need to, is Beach House Rules. I thoroughly enjoy Anne’s wit and insights into her daily life… probably because it sounds a lot like my own.
From there I headed over to A Socialite’s Life. This blog is like reading People Magazine with editorial commentary. Pure fun fluffy summer reading I really enjoyed.
From there I went to Jabberwocky and enjoyed her June 28th post about having the disease where she thinks about food 80% of the time. I have that disease too.
From there I went to Fat Asian Baby which is a hysterical look at the life of a Jewish, Korean Neurotic… although she doesn’t describe herself in that order.
And from there I meandered over to Midwest Grrrl where I ended my journey with a refreshing, funny and somewhat educational look at Midwest life. They have to pay for parking… who knew?
I love a good competition don't you? I'm highly competitive. So my mind is churning to come up with a good story for the "Compassion" theme. Click the button and read up on the rules on Blogging for Books!
Two weeks ago, when my mom realized that a bone was pushing through the bottom of her foot, she went to her doctor who happens to be an Orthopedic Surgeon. This bone had already been removed in her other foot, it’s “genetically” an extra bone our family has and it has caused her problems in the past. Anyway, there was fluid built up around where the bone was pushing through. The body’s way of trying to cushion the spot, I suppose. When the blister opened, the fluid was clear.
The after the weekend, my mom went to the doctor. He decided to operate to remove this bone. He didn’t put anything on it. He didn’t give her antibiotic. He knew previously he took out this bone on the other foot and so he assumed this was the same course of action he would take on this foot.
Two days later, the fluid was not as clear. Mom asked the doctor if she should be on antibiotics. He said no he’d just clean it out when he operated. My sister told the doctor she thought this was a mistake. Since my mom has had infection issues in the past, the fluid had changed color, the area was red… she felt he should start her on antibiotics 3 days before the surgery. If the culture came back she needed a different antibiotic, fine… but at least get her on something. He disagreed. My sister told him “I don’t agree with you, but you are the doctor”.
She had surgery. Didn’t look infected. He irrigated the wound with antibiotics while she was under. They cultured the fluid. Still no antibiotic.
Three days later they find out it’s MRSA.
Doctor put mom on an ORAL antibiotic and tells her they probably need to amputate. Tells her to go see an infection disease doctor.
Mom calls back and tells them that she thinks she should be putting something “on the wound” since the blood supply is crappy there until she can get into the Infectious Disease Doctor. I mean… antibiotics are only going to work if the blood supply can deliver them to the infection. He says no. I suggest to her to ask him for IV antibiotics. Since my mom has had weight loss surgery…who even knows if the antibiotics are being absorbed the same way they would in a normal person. I did a whole bunch of Internet research and I really felt like she needed to be on an IV. He declined that too.
Now I think this doctor is a complete asshat.
This morning my mom went to the Infection Diseases Doctor. (First available appointment). He put her on an IV IMMEDIATELY. He’s treating AGGRESSIVELY. He’s listening to the family and to the patient and seems to at least be trying to save her foot.
The point is… we should have told this other doctor to go jump in a lake many moons ago. All the warning flags were there. Truth is, we didn’t because we all tend to think “they are doctors they have the knowledge”. But they don’t . They aren’t a God. They make mistakes. This guy is a surgeon and his solution to every problem is always to “cut it out”. You have to keep in mind what type of doctor you are dealing with when you are seeking treatment. Where is their mindset?
It’s so hard though when you are in the midst of a medical emergency to think about who all you need to consult with, what you need to research, what stones need to be turned over to find the most effective care possible.
It’s like when I was considering weight loss surgery. Any doctor I talked to about weight loss surgery just told me about the stupid Carnie Wilson Surgery. Well… if I had simply “taken the doctors advice” I’d be stuck with a 2 oz pouch and not able to eat chocolate for the rest of my life. What kind of quality of life is that? Because doctors when you consult with them only tell you about what types of surgery “They do”. They aren’t telling you necessarily what is best for you. Thank God my control freakish nature caused me to research different options.
It’s sad to think about, you really have to think about buying medical care like you buy a car. You wouldn’t expect to go to a KIA dealership, tell them what you need, and have them recommend you a Lexus SUV. They are only going to try to meet your needs with the options THEY have available, even if they know something else might work better for you. You yourself have to be KNOWLEDGEABLE about what your options are and not be dependent thinking someone else is going to spell it all out for you just because they hold the knowledge. If you aren’t knowledgeable or do the work to become knowledgeable about your different options … then you have to be happy with the substandard.
And substandard isn’t bad until you find out it’s substandard. I guess ignorance really is bliss.
The after the weekend, my mom went to the doctor. He decided to operate to remove this bone. He didn’t put anything on it. He didn’t give her antibiotic. He knew previously he took out this bone on the other foot and so he assumed this was the same course of action he would take on this foot.
Two days later, the fluid was not as clear. Mom asked the doctor if she should be on antibiotics. He said no he’d just clean it out when he operated. My sister told the doctor she thought this was a mistake. Since my mom has had infection issues in the past, the fluid had changed color, the area was red… she felt he should start her on antibiotics 3 days before the surgery. If the culture came back she needed a different antibiotic, fine… but at least get her on something. He disagreed. My sister told him “I don’t agree with you, but you are the doctor”.
She had surgery. Didn’t look infected. He irrigated the wound with antibiotics while she was under. They cultured the fluid. Still no antibiotic.
Three days later they find out it’s MRSA.
Doctor put mom on an ORAL antibiotic and tells her they probably need to amputate. Tells her to go see an infection disease doctor.
Mom calls back and tells them that she thinks she should be putting something “on the wound” since the blood supply is crappy there until she can get into the Infectious Disease Doctor. I mean… antibiotics are only going to work if the blood supply can deliver them to the infection. He says no. I suggest to her to ask him for IV antibiotics. Since my mom has had weight loss surgery…who even knows if the antibiotics are being absorbed the same way they would in a normal person. I did a whole bunch of Internet research and I really felt like she needed to be on an IV. He declined that too.
Now I think this doctor is a complete asshat.
This morning my mom went to the Infection Diseases Doctor. (First available appointment). He put her on an IV IMMEDIATELY. He’s treating AGGRESSIVELY. He’s listening to the family and to the patient and seems to at least be trying to save her foot.
The point is… we should have told this other doctor to go jump in a lake many moons ago. All the warning flags were there. Truth is, we didn’t because we all tend to think “they are doctors they have the knowledge”. But they don’t . They aren’t a God. They make mistakes. This guy is a surgeon and his solution to every problem is always to “cut it out”. You have to keep in mind what type of doctor you are dealing with when you are seeking treatment. Where is their mindset?
It’s so hard though when you are in the midst of a medical emergency to think about who all you need to consult with, what you need to research, what stones need to be turned over to find the most effective care possible.
It’s like when I was considering weight loss surgery. Any doctor I talked to about weight loss surgery just told me about the stupid Carnie Wilson Surgery. Well… if I had simply “taken the doctors advice” I’d be stuck with a 2 oz pouch and not able to eat chocolate for the rest of my life. What kind of quality of life is that? Because doctors when you consult with them only tell you about what types of surgery “They do”. They aren’t telling you necessarily what is best for you. Thank God my control freakish nature caused me to research different options.
It’s sad to think about, you really have to think about buying medical care like you buy a car. You wouldn’t expect to go to a KIA dealership, tell them what you need, and have them recommend you a Lexus SUV. They are only going to try to meet your needs with the options THEY have available, even if they know something else might work better for you. You yourself have to be KNOWLEDGEABLE about what your options are and not be dependent thinking someone else is going to spell it all out for you just because they hold the knowledge. If you aren’t knowledgeable or do the work to become knowledgeable about your different options … then you have to be happy with the substandard.
And substandard isn’t bad until you find out it’s substandard. I guess ignorance really is bliss.
Too tired to blog today so I'm going to simply upload some pictures that speak a thousand words.
This first picture is of Two Monkeys. Noah & friend at the Zoo.
Last Day of School Smile. Dinara and her preschool teacher on their last day. Dinara is going to be in Kindergarten next year and she's going to miss Margie!
Emma and Neve have become Best Friends and we couldn't be happier! Neve is Jay and Kim's gorgeous kidlet.
Slip Slidin' Away -- Emma and Neve experiment using the gator going down the slip n' slide!
And they called it Puppy Love....
Noah and Sanibel sharing the love.
This first picture is of Two Monkeys. Noah & friend at the Zoo.
Last Day of School Smile. Dinara and her preschool teacher on their last day. Dinara is going to be in Kindergarten next year and she's going to miss Margie!
Emma and Neve have become Best Friends and we couldn't be happier! Neve is Jay and Kim's gorgeous kidlet.
Slip Slidin' Away -- Emma and Neve experiment using the gator going down the slip n' slide!
And they called it Puppy Love....
Noah and Sanibel sharing the love.
Ok Ok Ok. I know I'm late doing this. But at least I am doing it.
Go read Ramblings of a SAHM. I decided I liked her blog even after I read in her 100 things list that she can still wear a size 7. Juniors!!! She has five kids and seems pretty sane in spite of it all.
Claire's away for the weekend, but her perkiness still deserves mention. She's actually newer at this bloggin then me and so go give her some comment love.
Have you visited Philip at the Blue Sloth? (and BTW, is that Blue as in color or Blue as in depressed?) Ok ok. Now let's get to the important stuff. Philip posts half nekkid pictures of himself every Thursday. Now he probably would like me to mention that he would love your feedback on his query letters. But you and I both know that you are really going for the cheap thrills of seeing his cute chest.
And while you are at it, go tell the other boys of summer Jay and Genuine you want half nekkid pictures of them too.
This is a hysterical list of the 25 weirdest things you can buy on Amazon.com. Totally worth a look.
And you know a woman paid for this.
And you know a woman paid for this.
My husband took our kids to the movies. This is the first time I’ve had a moment alone in weeks. And I feel like I’m wasting it.
So I’ve turned off the TV.
I’ve turned on some tunes.
And I’m trying to be zen.
And I’m working on my list of things I want to do before I die. Give this link a click if you want to read the first ten things on my list.
1. I want to ride camels in the desert.
2. I want to watch the sunrise over the Grand Canyon.
3. I want to take my children back to their birth country Kazakhstan and try to not experience it as just “tourists”.
4. I want to take my husband to Italy.
5. I want to take Asian Fusion cooking lessons.
6. I want to go to a nudist beach: nude.
7. I want to go on a safari in Africa.
8. Take each of my children on a special “mommy and me” vacation for a week.
9. Goto a high class spa for a whole glorious week.
10. Swim with dolphins in the wild.
11. Visit Fiji
12. Visit Bora Bora.
13. Visit Tahiti
14. Take a photography class.
15. Make love to my husband on a beach in the rain.
16. Bathe in a medicinal hot water spring.
17. Visit Tibet
18. Support someone in their death.
19. Sing Karoke in front of a packed house.
20. Archive all my photos and caption them all.
So what are some of the things you want to do before you die?
So I’ve turned off the TV.
I’ve turned on some tunes.
And I’m trying to be zen.
And I’m working on my list of things I want to do before I die. Give this link a click if you want to read the first ten things on my list.
1. I want to ride camels in the desert.
2. I want to watch the sunrise over the Grand Canyon.
3. I want to take my children back to their birth country Kazakhstan and try to not experience it as just “tourists”.
4. I want to take my husband to Italy.
5. I want to take Asian Fusion cooking lessons.
6. I want to go to a nudist beach: nude.
7. I want to go on a safari in Africa.
8. Take each of my children on a special “mommy and me” vacation for a week.
9. Goto a high class spa for a whole glorious week.
10. Swim with dolphins in the wild.
11. Visit Fiji
12. Visit Bora Bora.
13. Visit Tahiti
14. Take a photography class.
15. Make love to my husband on a beach in the rain.
16. Bathe in a medicinal hot water spring.
17. Visit Tibet
18. Support someone in their death.
19. Sing Karoke in front of a packed house.
20. Archive all my photos and caption them all.
So what are some of the things you want to do before you die?
My house is really clean when I am under stress. I have a compulsive need for order and neatness when my life is in utter chaos. I wonder if that means I have mild OCD?
Last night, I spoke with my mom’s sister. She told me that she has a mass on her adrenal gland. So let’s recap yesterday:
1. Sister failed the Dental Licensure Exam
2. Mom found out she has MRSA
3. Dad lost another 2 lbs.
4. My grandmother needs to be moved to an Assisted Living Facility, yet no one can actually “do it”.
5. Aunt told me she has a mass on her adrenal gland.
All in all… it was a pretty shitty day.
I thought a lot about everything last night. I researched all the different types of amputations. I then started trying to figure out what is going on with my father. I found plane fares are reasonable if I have to fly there at the last minute.
I called my sister this morning and we set up a plan for dealing with my father. To try to start figuring out what is going on. She’s going to get a list of all his medications because I am wondering if he’s simply out of balance now that he’s lost so much weight. That could be what is making him nauseated and lethargic. Metformin can make you feel like crap if you are taking too much (especially on top of insulin). He might not need as much blood pressure meds. My sister and mom are going to start keeping track of how he feels and his blood sugar. His blood pressure should be taken regularly. We need to monitor his caloric intake and see how many calories a day he’s consuming. It is possible that his dementia is causing him to become a bit anorexic. This “not eating” could be in some way his way of controlling what little he can in his life. I’m sure my sister just loved me dumping this huge to-do list on her on top of everything else she’s having to deal with.
My mom has started on an antibiotic. We are hoping the MRSA is responsive to it. It shows as sensitive to it, but the problem is that any meds that get into the blood stream need to be delivered to the site where the infection is and her microcirculation is so bad… we aren’t sure it will be effective. But I think this time she’s going to try to fight to keep her foot. Previously, she just let them amputate… now I think she’s going to try to “slow down her surgeon” a bit. I’m not sure this is the right course of action… but saving her foot seems like a noble goal to me.
My father called his brother and told him to get his mother OUT. They think she can handle an apartment, but she can’t. So that is stressful. I think they think my parents are like big whiners. They have no idea how bad its been. They simply see my grandmom up and walking around and assume she can take care of herself. But she can’t. She can’t even use the microwave. I guess they’ll figure it out right? Least things are moving forward. Looks like progress, quacks like a duck, so we’ll call it progress.
So we are making small baby steps. We have the illusion of control. It’s really hard to be so far away and not be able to be there “doing things”. The control freak in me just wants to swoop in and handle it all myself so it’s all done “right”. Heh.
Last night, I spoke with my mom’s sister. She told me that she has a mass on her adrenal gland. So let’s recap yesterday:
1. Sister failed the Dental Licensure Exam
2. Mom found out she has MRSA
3. Dad lost another 2 lbs.
4. My grandmother needs to be moved to an Assisted Living Facility, yet no one can actually “do it”.
5. Aunt told me she has a mass on her adrenal gland.
All in all… it was a pretty shitty day.
I thought a lot about everything last night. I researched all the different types of amputations. I then started trying to figure out what is going on with my father. I found plane fares are reasonable if I have to fly there at the last minute.
I called my sister this morning and we set up a plan for dealing with my father. To try to start figuring out what is going on. She’s going to get a list of all his medications because I am wondering if he’s simply out of balance now that he’s lost so much weight. That could be what is making him nauseated and lethargic. Metformin can make you feel like crap if you are taking too much (especially on top of insulin). He might not need as much blood pressure meds. My sister and mom are going to start keeping track of how he feels and his blood sugar. His blood pressure should be taken regularly. We need to monitor his caloric intake and see how many calories a day he’s consuming. It is possible that his dementia is causing him to become a bit anorexic. This “not eating” could be in some way his way of controlling what little he can in his life. I’m sure my sister just loved me dumping this huge to-do list on her on top of everything else she’s having to deal with.
My mom has started on an antibiotic. We are hoping the MRSA is responsive to it. It shows as sensitive to it, but the problem is that any meds that get into the blood stream need to be delivered to the site where the infection is and her microcirculation is so bad… we aren’t sure it will be effective. But I think this time she’s going to try to fight to keep her foot. Previously, she just let them amputate… now I think she’s going to try to “slow down her surgeon” a bit. I’m not sure this is the right course of action… but saving her foot seems like a noble goal to me.
My father called his brother and told him to get his mother OUT. They think she can handle an apartment, but she can’t. So that is stressful. I think they think my parents are like big whiners. They have no idea how bad its been. They simply see my grandmom up and walking around and assume she can take care of herself. But she can’t. She can’t even use the microwave. I guess they’ll figure it out right? Least things are moving forward. Looks like progress, quacks like a duck, so we’ll call it progress.
So we are making small baby steps. We have the illusion of control. It’s really hard to be so far away and not be able to be there “doing things”. The control freak in me just wants to swoop in and handle it all myself so it’s all done “right”. Heh.
My mom has MRSA in her foot again. MRSA is a Staph infection resistant to most penicillin’s. This means she will most likely face some, or all, of her foot being amputated. This is devastating news. She’s only 57.
Perfectly crappy news to end a perfectly crappy day.
Perfectly crappy news to end a perfectly crappy day.
Things that are on my mind today:
1. My sister didn’t pass the Dental State Licensure Exam. The pass rate for students “out of state” is less then 5%, but my sister was in the top 10% of her class so she thought she would pass it. She’s so disappointed. She missed passing by 3/10ths of a point. She’s very upset. They are broke, her husband is out of work, and well… her life has been overwhelming for quite some time. And I just want to take away all her pain and make everything ok for her. But I can’t. She’ll take the exam again in December.
2. My mom is recovering from more foot surgery. My mom lost four toes to diabetes. Then she had my weight loss surgery and the diabetes is gone. But the peripheral neuropathy from years of being a diabetic doesn’t go away. The damage is done. And because she has poor microcirculation, she’s at risk of losing more of her foot. I’m scared for her. Because now that she’s a normal weight, she finally has her life back. But she could lose some of that freedom if she loses her foot.
3. My father is seriously ill. Besides the dementia, he’s now got something seriously wrong with him and they can’t figure out what it is. He’s lost 30 lbs in less then 3 months. He’s not eating. He’s sleeping all the time. He’s acting like he’s 85. Everyone is worried.
4. My father’s brother and my father are estranged. My father’s mom (Lillian) lives with my dad. She’s in her mid eighties and about the most difficult person in the world to live with. My parents, with their health issues, have finally decided to lay down the law and move her out. She is waiting for her “other son” to come get her. Problem is: 1) other son was diagnosed with cancer a few weeks ago and had surgery. 2) He’s not talking to anyone else and thus they don’t know when she’s moving out. 3) Her being there is causing TREMENDOUS stress on the whole family.
5. My good friend Kim finally got her headache under control. I’m so glad. I was so worried about her. She's had a shitty month. Now she just needs to heal up her back. And let’s face it… doing any kind of bed rest with 4 young kids is about as close to impossible as you can get. So… everyone go visit her blog and give her some love. And tell her to put her feet up. Doctor’s orders.
6. I’m feeling like I should go back to work. Fear not, I go through these periods and they usually pass. It’s just I can go back to work and make more money then hubby can. And it's easier to motivate myself then to motivate him. It just would be easier to send me back to work. Problem is, that would mean I would have to shift my priority from child raising to career and I just don’t want to do that yet.
7. I have to motivate myself to dotoday soon:
8. Figure out a way to handle child arguments over stupid shit in a much more constructive manner then: STOP SCREAMING AT EACH OTHER.
9. Today was Emma’s last day of school. It’s now officially summer in our house. The temperature is not even 65 degrees though. So it’s not feeling like summer today. (See? I’m never happy)
10. I want to try to read more new blogs. Maybe set a goal to read 3 new blogs a day?
1. My sister didn’t pass the Dental State Licensure Exam. The pass rate for students “out of state” is less then 5%, but my sister was in the top 10% of her class so she thought she would pass it. She’s so disappointed. She missed passing by 3/10ths of a point. She’s very upset. They are broke, her husband is out of work, and well… her life has been overwhelming for quite some time. And I just want to take away all her pain and make everything ok for her. But I can’t. She’ll take the exam again in December.
2. My mom is recovering from more foot surgery. My mom lost four toes to diabetes. Then she had my weight loss surgery and the diabetes is gone. But the peripheral neuropathy from years of being a diabetic doesn’t go away. The damage is done. And because she has poor microcirculation, she’s at risk of losing more of her foot. I’m scared for her. Because now that she’s a normal weight, she finally has her life back. But she could lose some of that freedom if she loses her foot.
3. My father is seriously ill. Besides the dementia, he’s now got something seriously wrong with him and they can’t figure out what it is. He’s lost 30 lbs in less then 3 months. He’s not eating. He’s sleeping all the time. He’s acting like he’s 85. Everyone is worried.
4. My father’s brother and my father are estranged. My father’s mom (Lillian) lives with my dad. She’s in her mid eighties and about the most difficult person in the world to live with. My parents, with their health issues, have finally decided to lay down the law and move her out. She is waiting for her “other son” to come get her. Problem is: 1) other son was diagnosed with cancer a few weeks ago and had surgery. 2) He’s not talking to anyone else and thus they don’t know when she’s moving out. 3) Her being there is causing TREMENDOUS stress on the whole family.
5. My good friend Kim finally got her headache under control. I’m so glad. I was so worried about her. She's had a shitty month. Now she just needs to heal up her back. And let’s face it… doing any kind of bed rest with 4 young kids is about as close to impossible as you can get. So… everyone go visit her blog and give her some love. And tell her to put her feet up. Doctor’s orders.
6. I’m feeling like I should go back to work. Fear not, I go through these periods and they usually pass. It’s just I can go back to work and make more money then hubby can. And it's easier to motivate myself then to motivate him. It just would be easier to send me back to work. Problem is, that would mean I would have to shift my priority from child raising to career and I just don’t want to do that yet.
7. I have to motivate myself to do
- Make priority reservations at Disney.
- Sign up for AAA
- Start making calls to get health insurance quotes since Cobra is going to run out.
- Start a list of all the crap I have to move for the new furniture.
- Make Emma a dentist appointment.
- Make me a dentist appointment
- Make sure my weight loss surgery surgeon got my new blood work results.
- Reorder and pick up prescriptions at Walgreens
- Plan Noah’s 4th birthday party.
8. Figure out a way to handle child arguments over stupid shit in a much more constructive manner then: STOP SCREAMING AT EACH OTHER.
9. Today was Emma’s last day of school. It’s now officially summer in our house. The temperature is not even 65 degrees though. So it’s not feeling like summer today. (See? I’m never happy)
10. I want to try to read more new blogs. Maybe set a goal to read 3 new blogs a day?
We enjoyed a right of passage in our house last night. Noah graduated to a big boy bed. Yes, gentle reader, my son is now in a twin bed. On the frame and everything.
We packed up that crib that converted into a toddler bed and brought down to the garage. Please. Contain your emotion. I guess more sentimental moms would be lamenting the fact that this is the end of an era. No more kids in cribs. No more toddler beds. But not me. Oh no. I’m a progressive future seeking optimist. I always see the future as brighter then the past. I’m not sad about my son growing up. Really. I’m not. Stop it.
Sure, I won’t have those convenient little crib sheets to wash. Sure the mattress isn’t waterproof. Sure, I’ll have some worries about my little all-star falling out onto the floor. But there are so many things to look forward to. My boy is growing up. He’s in a BIG BOY BED now. I. Must. Find. A. Bright. Spot.
And what is the biggest bright spot you ask? Well let me tell you gentle reader. It’s the improvement this is going to have to my nighttime ritual of kissing him before I go to sleep. It’s that I no longer have to practically kneel on the floor to kiss his sweet sweaty head. Now, I can kiss his sweet sweaty head just bending over.
See? There is joy here. We take it where we can get it.
We packed up that crib that converted into a toddler bed and brought down to the garage. Please. Contain your emotion. I guess more sentimental moms would be lamenting the fact that this is the end of an era. No more kids in cribs. No more toddler beds. But not me. Oh no. I’m a progressive future seeking optimist. I always see the future as brighter then the past. I’m not sad about my son growing up. Really. I’m not. Stop it.
Sure, I won’t have those convenient little crib sheets to wash. Sure the mattress isn’t waterproof. Sure, I’ll have some worries about my little all-star falling out onto the floor. But there are so many things to look forward to. My boy is growing up. He’s in a BIG BOY BED now. I. Must. Find. A. Bright. Spot.
And what is the biggest bright spot you ask? Well let me tell you gentle reader. It’s the improvement this is going to have to my nighttime ritual of kissing him before I go to sleep. It’s that I no longer have to practically kneel on the floor to kiss his sweet sweaty head. Now, I can kiss his sweet sweaty head just bending over.
See? There is joy here. We take it where we can get it.
Noah to Dinara: This time don’t get me wet when I get in the water. I want to stay dry.
Emma to her father: What does dicking around mean?
Noah: My tummy hurts because there is a baby in it.
Noah: I’m going to go get on my babe-in-suit.
Dinara to me: Why don’t you start buying my birthday presents now so you can have lots by my birthday?
Bad guy pigs in Zelda game have been dubbed: Sniffy Pigs.
Emma to her father: What does dicking around mean?
Noah: My tummy hurts because there is a baby in it.
Noah: I’m going to go get on my babe-in-suit.
Dinara to me: Why don’t you start buying my birthday presents now so you can have lots by my birthday?
Bad guy pigs in Zelda game have been dubbed: Sniffy Pigs.
Sanibel, our King Charles Cavalier, is going in to be fixed tomorrow. And it's only about $90 plus whatever extras they tack on. So I guess my $300 estimate was a bit high :) Actually, that is only $100 off what our regular vet charges, but we are taking her to a cheaper vet.
Anyway... thanks for setting me straight!!
Anyway... thanks for setting me straight!!
Last night, Daddy was putting the kiddos to bed, per usual. Noah however, was a bit sad. We had a busy day and he was just weepy. Not an annoying whiney cry, just a sad melancholy weepy.
He came downstairs, climbed up into my lap and snuggled down underneath my chin and wrapped his arms around me, sniffling a bit. There was no stalling bedtime feeling; it was just pure “I need my mom”. He gave that extra little push so he could get extra close and nuzzled his nose in my neck and squeezed me tight.
Me: What’s the matter son?
Him: I’m sad and and I need you.
Me: I’m here.
Him: Daddy wouldn’t let me get momma lovin’.
Me: Why not?
Him: I don’t know.
Me: Was it because you supposed to be in bed already?
Him: Probably. But I needed it.
Me: I need it too.
So we sat there awhile & snuggled. My son and me.
He came downstairs, climbed up into my lap and snuggled down underneath my chin and wrapped his arms around me, sniffling a bit. There was no stalling bedtime feeling; it was just pure “I need my mom”. He gave that extra little push so he could get extra close and nuzzled his nose in my neck and squeezed me tight.
Me: What’s the matter son?
Him: I’m sad and and I need you.
Me: I’m here.
Him: Daddy wouldn’t let me get momma lovin’.
Me: Why not?
Him: I don’t know.
Me: Was it because you supposed to be in bed already?
Him: Probably. But I needed it.
Me: I need it too.
So we sat there awhile & snuggled. My son and me.
I am one of those people who whine all winter that there is no sunshine in Seattle and then when there is sunshine, I complain about it being too hot. Actually, that’s not really true. I like it between 70 and 83. That’s my weather bliss window. Over 83 and it’s a bit too warm for my blood. And when it’s warm I just sense this imposing drain on many levels of my life.
John and I had a long discussion today about whether we should just make the jump and install central AC. We figure it will be around $4K, give or take. And since Seattle is having record heat already this summer we would have lots of extra days to enjoy it if we just did it now. We also know we are going to have to shell out a little for comfort since the window unit in the kids room has died and the unit in our room is on it’s last leg. If we just skipped those things and did the Central AC, we'd have a nice down payment towards something that would be an equity builder.
However, just how much equity building it would be is in question. Usually, in Seattle, you only need air 2 weeks out of the year. But those years where it's steamy and you have a 2 month need for air... then central AC really does seem like an equity builder. (Can you see how I'm see-sawing here?)
The logic of making this purchase seems bright in the afternoon heat. But this morning, the logic was dim because I could rattle off our summer expenses:
We have Dinara’s school payment to make in August for 2K
We have about $600 in dental work to pay for before August 15th.
We have to get our dog fixed for about $300.
We have Disney World in September to pay for and that is going to be thousands.
We have the final payment in the thousands for the new furniture that is arriving on July 2nd.
We have John’s latest hospital foray to pay for to the unexpected tune of about $500.
The minivan needs service – I have no idea how much it will be but you never get out of there without dropping at least $300 bucks.
And those are just the things I can think of off the top of my head.
And those are just the big-ticket items. I seem to lose all of my money saving sense with each passing day of heat. Convenience seems to win out on all levels. Take tonight. Sure I have chicken I defrosted in the fridge ready to go… but somehow, running by KFC for a big bucket with sides (Mashed and Cole Slaw!) seems like a lot less heat intensive.
So one could rationalize... that if I got central AC, I would end up saving money in the long run because I'd be cool? Failed logic, but amazingly, heat makes that sound rational too.
John and I had a long discussion today about whether we should just make the jump and install central AC. We figure it will be around $4K, give or take. And since Seattle is having record heat already this summer we would have lots of extra days to enjoy it if we just did it now. We also know we are going to have to shell out a little for comfort since the window unit in the kids room has died and the unit in our room is on it’s last leg. If we just skipped those things and did the Central AC, we'd have a nice down payment towards something that would be an equity builder.
However, just how much equity building it would be is in question. Usually, in Seattle, you only need air 2 weeks out of the year. But those years where it's steamy and you have a 2 month need for air... then central AC really does seem like an equity builder. (Can you see how I'm see-sawing here?)
The logic of making this purchase seems bright in the afternoon heat. But this morning, the logic was dim because I could rattle off our summer expenses:
We have Dinara’s school payment to make in August for 2K
We have about $600 in dental work to pay for before August 15th.
We have to get our dog fixed for about $300.
We have Disney World in September to pay for and that is going to be thousands.
We have the final payment in the thousands for the new furniture that is arriving on July 2nd.
We have John’s latest hospital foray to pay for to the unexpected tune of about $500.
The minivan needs service – I have no idea how much it will be but you never get out of there without dropping at least $300 bucks.
And those are just the things I can think of off the top of my head.
And those are just the big-ticket items. I seem to lose all of my money saving sense with each passing day of heat. Convenience seems to win out on all levels. Take tonight. Sure I have chicken I defrosted in the fridge ready to go… but somehow, running by KFC for a big bucket with sides (Mashed and Cole Slaw!) seems like a lot less heat intensive.
So one could rationalize... that if I got central AC, I would end up saving money in the long run because I'd be cool? Failed logic, but amazingly, heat makes that sound rational too.
Ok... so this will be a Meme to learn more about my readers. Please respond using the comments or respond on your site and link to it in the comments. If it's popular, we'll do it every Sunday and take time to get to know each other a bit better. Especially you lurkers... please leave comments!
How do you define “best friend”?
Someone you know who would be there for you no matter the sacrifice and knows your heart without you having to explain it.
What type of blog entries do you like to read the most?Funny ones about their family life that I can relate to or one’s that give insight into people’s lives.
What type of blog entries do you like to read the least?Polarizing/Militant blog entries. I read blogs more for entertainment then education or to get riled up.
Do you believe in reincarnation?
Yes.
Do you believe in God?
Yes.
What character trait are you most proud of?My perseverance/ability to stay focused on my goals.
What accomplishment are you most proud of in your life besides family/parenthood? Retiring before the age of 35.
Your turn!
How do you define “best friend”?
Someone you know who would be there for you no matter the sacrifice and knows your heart without you having to explain it.
What type of blog entries do you like to read the most?Funny ones about their family life that I can relate to or one’s that give insight into people’s lives.
What type of blog entries do you like to read the least?Polarizing/Militant blog entries. I read blogs more for entertainment then education or to get riled up.
Do you believe in reincarnation?
Yes.
Do you believe in God?
Yes.
What character trait are you most proud of?My perseverance/ability to stay focused on my goals.
What accomplishment are you most proud of in your life besides family/parenthood? Retiring before the age of 35.
Your turn!
I'm taking this idea from Lee but I’m too lazy to go upload the cute button.
What I learned this week:
1. Safeway has yummy mint chocolate chip ice cream sandwiches and they are going to be the death of me this summer.
2. That my independent seven year old daughter still needs to snuggle with mommy if there is a loud thunderstorm in the middle of the night.
3. That blogs that use TYPEPAD tend to load really slow.
4. That putting www in front of some blog addresses in my blogroll causes them to break.
5. That blog rolling doesn’t show everyone who has updated their blog recently.
6. That the dog obedience classes we did with our dog are getting lost because we aren’t practicing.
7. That Dinara seems love gymnastics. She’s been practicing doing handstands for a week.
8. That Noah loves gymnastics because Dinara loves gymnastics.
9. That kids practicing handstands in their bedroom sounds like they are playing with jackhammers.
10. The term “Quick Ship” in the furniture business is a complete misnomer.
11. That I have awesome neighbors who can pitch in when the going is tough.
12. That I do not have as much time to do this blogging as I thought I would.
13. That my mom has to have surgery on Monday.
14. That my dad has something really wrong with him but they can’t figure out what it is.
15. That if I have my kids sleep in pull-ups only at night, I could save big bucks on laundry soap, water and PJs. (I swear I do a load of just PJs every week!)
What I learned this week:
1. Safeway has yummy mint chocolate chip ice cream sandwiches and they are going to be the death of me this summer.
2. That my independent seven year old daughter still needs to snuggle with mommy if there is a loud thunderstorm in the middle of the night.
3. That blogs that use TYPEPAD tend to load really slow.
4. That putting www in front of some blog addresses in my blogroll causes them to break.
5. That blog rolling doesn’t show everyone who has updated their blog recently.
6. That the dog obedience classes we did with our dog are getting lost because we aren’t practicing.
7. That Dinara seems love gymnastics. She’s been practicing doing handstands for a week.
8. That Noah loves gymnastics because Dinara loves gymnastics.
9. That kids practicing handstands in their bedroom sounds like they are playing with jackhammers.
10. The term “Quick Ship” in the furniture business is a complete misnomer.
11. That I have awesome neighbors who can pitch in when the going is tough.
12. That I do not have as much time to do this blogging as I thought I would.
13. That my mom has to have surgery on Monday.
14. That my dad has something really wrong with him but they can’t figure out what it is.
15. That if I have my kids sleep in pull-ups only at night, I could save big bucks on laundry soap, water and PJs. (I swear I do a load of just PJs every week!)
Beware. Major vent ahead.
So ya know, I’ve been doing the childcare and running the house thing pretty much fulltime now for a week. I’ve been managing our part time business, paying all the bills, doing the banking, planning our up and coming vacation of a lifetime, visiting my husband in the hospital, taking care of husband, on top of keeping all three of my underage and very dependent children clean, fed, and safe. House is clean, laundry is done. I’ve risen to the occasion. Sometimes, I’ve even managed to keep the kids entertained on top of it all. I deserve some gold stars- or at the very least, someone should show a little fucking appreciation.
The other morning, I’m scrambling to get two kids out the door. I’m signing field trip slips, putting up hair, washing faces, making sure teeth are brushed, clothes match, finding shoes, feeding kids… ya know.. Normal morning grind stuff. And hubby is standing around drinking a cup of coffee. My youngest, asks for some cereal. Do you think the Injured Boy Wonder could walk his ass over to the cupboard, strain himself to bring down a bowl, dump some Shrek cereal in there and add some milk for his son? I mean… the milk was only like ¼ of the way full, so he can’t even complain that was too heavy. Hell no. My Injured Boy Wonder, who is recovering from an appendectomy, can not exert this kind of effort. He simply watches me tell Noah to hang on a minute as I finish multitasking not 2, not 3, not 4… but 5 different things. But hey… he’s recovering right?
I am so irritated by this. I know I am the most unsympathetic wench on the planet. But come on women… you know what I mean… Men can be real pussies about their health can’t they?
Irritation doesn’t even begin to cover it. I don’t know if I am more irritated by the fact that he didn’t get the damn bowl of cereal or that he was (until now) completely oblivious to the fact that he COULD get the bowl and help me out a little. That just because he had a little surgery, it doesn’t mean he has a “get out of participating in your fatherhood responsibilities free” card.
I want to be more sympathetic to my husband. I want to be one of those women who make people “feel good”. He’s my best friend, I want to be that for him. I want to be nurturing and loving. I want to be the “good wife”. But to be perfectly honest, after seven straight days of no break and no appreciation… what little is left of my loving and nurturing side goes straight to the kids. Boy Wonder needs to just suck it up and stop being a wuss and help out where’s he’s able. Having a penis doesn’t mean he gets to be absolved of being aware that there is a family here who needs him. He needs to at least be aware that life is going on around him, even if he’s not participating in it. And that maybe, just maybe, if he would act like a grown up and prioritize his family above some of his own discomfort… he would have a more nurturing wife. He tells me he likes it when I need him… yet when I really need him, he’s not there to do it unless I’m telling him to. It’s like being married to a 3 year old sometimes.
And just so I don’t sound like a complete royal bitch… I’ve had THREE major abdominal surgeries in the last two years. My last one about killed me and included MANY feet of incisions. Feet. Not inches. All except the weight loss surgery have had complications. And you know what? I still participated in daily life and kept this family going. I still did things for the family. And I was a damn sight more grateful for what someone else was doing FOR ME. I seriously tried to not inconvenience the family. And I certainly didn’t EXPECT to be babied.
So… Buck up Baby. Here are the words you love to hear: I need you.
So ya know, I’ve been doing the childcare and running the house thing pretty much fulltime now for a week. I’ve been managing our part time business, paying all the bills, doing the banking, planning our up and coming vacation of a lifetime, visiting my husband in the hospital, taking care of husband, on top of keeping all three of my underage and very dependent children clean, fed, and safe. House is clean, laundry is done. I’ve risen to the occasion. Sometimes, I’ve even managed to keep the kids entertained on top of it all. I deserve some gold stars- or at the very least, someone should show a little fucking appreciation.
The other morning, I’m scrambling to get two kids out the door. I’m signing field trip slips, putting up hair, washing faces, making sure teeth are brushed, clothes match, finding shoes, feeding kids… ya know.. Normal morning grind stuff. And hubby is standing around drinking a cup of coffee. My youngest, asks for some cereal. Do you think the Injured Boy Wonder could walk his ass over to the cupboard, strain himself to bring down a bowl, dump some Shrek cereal in there and add some milk for his son? I mean… the milk was only like ¼ of the way full, so he can’t even complain that was too heavy. Hell no. My Injured Boy Wonder, who is recovering from an appendectomy, can not exert this kind of effort. He simply watches me tell Noah to hang on a minute as I finish multitasking not 2, not 3, not 4… but 5 different things. But hey… he’s recovering right?
I am so irritated by this. I know I am the most unsympathetic wench on the planet. But come on women… you know what I mean… Men can be real pussies about their health can’t they?
Irritation doesn’t even begin to cover it. I don’t know if I am more irritated by the fact that he didn’t get the damn bowl of cereal or that he was (until now) completely oblivious to the fact that he COULD get the bowl and help me out a little. That just because he had a little surgery, it doesn’t mean he has a “get out of participating in your fatherhood responsibilities free” card.
I want to be more sympathetic to my husband. I want to be one of those women who make people “feel good”. He’s my best friend, I want to be that for him. I want to be nurturing and loving. I want to be the “good wife”. But to be perfectly honest, after seven straight days of no break and no appreciation… what little is left of my loving and nurturing side goes straight to the kids. Boy Wonder needs to just suck it up and stop being a wuss and help out where’s he’s able. Having a penis doesn’t mean he gets to be absolved of being aware that there is a family here who needs him. He needs to at least be aware that life is going on around him, even if he’s not participating in it. And that maybe, just maybe, if he would act like a grown up and prioritize his family above some of his own discomfort… he would have a more nurturing wife. He tells me he likes it when I need him… yet when I really need him, he’s not there to do it unless I’m telling him to. It’s like being married to a 3 year old sometimes.
And just so I don’t sound like a complete royal bitch… I’ve had THREE major abdominal surgeries in the last two years. My last one about killed me and included MANY feet of incisions. Feet. Not inches. All except the weight loss surgery have had complications. And you know what? I still participated in daily life and kept this family going. I still did things for the family. And I was a damn sight more grateful for what someone else was doing FOR ME. I seriously tried to not inconvenience the family. And I certainly didn’t EXPECT to be babied.
So… Buck up Baby. Here are the words you love to hear: I need you.
I just finished reading Dan Brown's Angels and Demons. Can I just say I love this author? He always teaches me something. I liked this book better then DiVinci Code and I really liked that book too. This book spoke to my inner geek and I thoroughly enjoyed the exploration of organized religion vs. science. Sure some of it is a stretch... but it's a nice escape and was thought provoking at the same time.
I read Five People You Meet In Heaven about a week ago. I give it an average rating. It's a fast read, but not something that was thought provoking. (If a book doesn't provoke me to think in new ways or see things from a different perspective, they don't get five star ratings from me). I appreciate the objective of giving the reader a glimpse at how the author conceptualizes heaven but when I finished reading it feeling unfulfilled. I figure if you think of heaven as gold paved streets and God as a little guy with a white beard holding big books at the pearly gates, you will find this book thought provoking. But if your faith has evolved considerably past that concept, then you should probably skip this book.
I read Five People You Meet In Heaven about a week ago. I give it an average rating. It's a fast read, but not something that was thought provoking. (If a book doesn't provoke me to think in new ways or see things from a different perspective, they don't get five star ratings from me). I appreciate the objective of giving the reader a glimpse at how the author conceptualizes heaven but when I finished reading it feeling unfulfilled. I figure if you think of heaven as gold paved streets and God as a little guy with a white beard holding big books at the pearly gates, you will find this book thought provoking. But if your faith has evolved considerably past that concept, then you should probably skip this book.
Do you manage your money well? I really have been thinking lately about what we spend our money on… and where we want to be when John retires.
Although I consider myself somewhat anal about money, I am a person who likes luxury. I do not like to deny myself. I was addicted to credit cards for many years. I just didn’t really grasp the concept of money. I logically understood what credit card debt does to you, but I couldn’t see it. And I felt like I would always have it so I just kept charging. We accumulated at one time in our marriage over 60K in credit card debt. I know what drowning in debt feels like. And it sucks. We now have none.
It was very hard for me to break out of the “I’m entitled” mindset. I just didn’t want to delay my gratification. It wasn’t until I had a child, that I realized that I had better do SOMETHING. That being with HER was where real wealth lies. And I didn’t want to work forever.
I think to get past the entitlement mind trap, you have to really understand the value of your money. Money is really a currency for time. Time is really what is valuable.
As an exercise take how much you make, subtract out your deductions, taxes etc. Deduct your driving time, your dry cleaning bill, anything you have to pay for to keep your job. Maybe it’s lunches out, maybe it’s more expensive insurance because of your commute.. Deduct it all. Then divide it all by how many hours you really put in per week. Include your commuting time. Let’s say you come to $15 an hour. This becomes the real number in which you should compare every purchase.
Next time you want to buy a new shirt that costs $30 bucks, think about if it’s worth working 2 hours for. Literally start paying yourself when you deny yourself things. Take that $30 and put it in an envelope. Do it for a month and you will be SURPRISED how much you accumulate. If you don’t make saving fun, you wont do it. And seriously, if you commit to doing this for a short time, you’ll be amazed how you start thinking differently about money and how much fun savings becomes.
Some folks say keep a journal where your money is going… and that is good too… but it won’t help you turn the corner to become a “saver”. This will.
I don’t work now, but I can still make a million before my husband retires. I view my job now is saving this family money. Assuming he retires at age 67 (We hope it will be way before then but for this exercise lets assume 26 years from now) Let’s assume the stock market on average returns 10% a year and we’ll compound interest monthly. If I can save approx $676 per month, I can make it a million in 26 years.
Here’s how I do it without TOO much effort:
Weekly Savings:
Have “breakfast” supper once a week. $10
Switch to Powdered Laundry Detergent: $3
No name brand cereal: $5
No frozen food meals for lunches: $10
Create menus using “SALES” vs. buying what I want. Go to different stores to buy what is on sale: $30
Buying gas at less convenient but cheaper place. $6
Buying Milk at the cheapest store in town (half price!) 6.
Cutting down the diet soda consumption or switching to off brand: $10
Weekly savings: $80 computes to a monthly savings of: $320
Monthly Savings
Dropping 1 Cell Phone: $50
Buying gas at less convenient but cheaper place. $6
Dropping eating out once a week ($50 per pop): $200
No impulse magazine buying throughout the month: $10
Buy cheaper shampoo and conditioner: $5
Buying no name brand pull-ups for nighttime wear for multiple kids: $16
Monthly savings of : $287
Total monthly savings of: $607
Which makes me short $70 a month.
Oh sure, I could cut the lawn service. I could cut the latte I get occasionally. I could cut when I treat my kids to slurpees, or the chocolate I buy at the grocery store. But I still want to live.
And that is what savings is about really. It's not about denying yourself. It's an excercise in prioritizing.
These are things I feel I can easily give up. What things can YOU easily give up? Maybe you’ll give me some ideas and I can squeak out that additional $70 per month!
Although I consider myself somewhat anal about money, I am a person who likes luxury. I do not like to deny myself. I was addicted to credit cards for many years. I just didn’t really grasp the concept of money. I logically understood what credit card debt does to you, but I couldn’t see it. And I felt like I would always have it so I just kept charging. We accumulated at one time in our marriage over 60K in credit card debt. I know what drowning in debt feels like. And it sucks. We now have none.
It was very hard for me to break out of the “I’m entitled” mindset. I just didn’t want to delay my gratification. It wasn’t until I had a child, that I realized that I had better do SOMETHING. That being with HER was where real wealth lies. And I didn’t want to work forever.
I think to get past the entitlement mind trap, you have to really understand the value of your money. Money is really a currency for time. Time is really what is valuable.
As an exercise take how much you make, subtract out your deductions, taxes etc. Deduct your driving time, your dry cleaning bill, anything you have to pay for to keep your job. Maybe it’s lunches out, maybe it’s more expensive insurance because of your commute.. Deduct it all. Then divide it all by how many hours you really put in per week. Include your commuting time. Let’s say you come to $15 an hour. This becomes the real number in which you should compare every purchase.
Next time you want to buy a new shirt that costs $30 bucks, think about if it’s worth working 2 hours for. Literally start paying yourself when you deny yourself things. Take that $30 and put it in an envelope. Do it for a month and you will be SURPRISED how much you accumulate. If you don’t make saving fun, you wont do it. And seriously, if you commit to doing this for a short time, you’ll be amazed how you start thinking differently about money and how much fun savings becomes.
Some folks say keep a journal where your money is going… and that is good too… but it won’t help you turn the corner to become a “saver”. This will.
I don’t work now, but I can still make a million before my husband retires. I view my job now is saving this family money. Assuming he retires at age 67 (We hope it will be way before then but for this exercise lets assume 26 years from now) Let’s assume the stock market on average returns 10% a year and we’ll compound interest monthly. If I can save approx $676 per month, I can make it a million in 26 years.
Here’s how I do it without TOO much effort:
Weekly Savings:
Have “breakfast” supper once a week. $10
Switch to Powdered Laundry Detergent: $3
No name brand cereal: $5
No frozen food meals for lunches: $10
Create menus using “SALES” vs. buying what I want. Go to different stores to buy what is on sale: $30
Buying gas at less convenient but cheaper place. $6
Buying Milk at the cheapest store in town (half price!) 6.
Cutting down the diet soda consumption or switching to off brand: $10
Weekly savings: $80 computes to a monthly savings of: $320
Monthly Savings
Dropping 1 Cell Phone: $50
Buying gas at less convenient but cheaper place. $6
Dropping eating out once a week ($50 per pop): $200
No impulse magazine buying throughout the month: $10
Buy cheaper shampoo and conditioner: $5
Buying no name brand pull-ups for nighttime wear for multiple kids: $16
Monthly savings of : $287
Total monthly savings of: $607
Which makes me short $70 a month.
Oh sure, I could cut the lawn service. I could cut the latte I get occasionally. I could cut when I treat my kids to slurpees, or the chocolate I buy at the grocery store. But I still want to live.
And that is what savings is about really. It's not about denying yourself. It's an excercise in prioritizing.
These are things I feel I can easily give up. What things can YOU easily give up? Maybe you’ll give me some ideas and I can squeak out that additional $70 per month!
Next time you update your blogroll... could you please change my url from: http://emundane.blogspot.com to http://www.emundane.blogspot.com (adding the www.) The reason is, if that isn't in there, it doesn't show me as "an updated blog" when I update.
I know it's a pain in the ass.. but I would be VERY VERY GRATEFUL and I'd find some way to pay you back. Really!!!
I'm going to bed now... 7am is going to come much too early.
I know it's a pain in the ass.. but I would be VERY VERY GRATEFUL and I'd find some way to pay you back. Really!!!
I'm going to bed now... 7am is going to come much too early.
It’s so cool when you connect with someone. I mean really connect on many different levels. Doesn’t happen to me too often. But it did tonight. It’s a rare gift.
Finding friends has become much more difficult as an adult. I always used to make friends very easily, but find it’s much more difficult now. I’m not quite sure why it’s more difficult, but it is. I can find people who fit into certain “compartments” of my life and meet certain needs within that compartment… like my weight loss surgery friends, or my international adoption mom friends, or mom’s of my friends kids…. But it’s rare I find someone who can bridge all those compartments and can gel with the “whole me”.
My husband’s current boss called see how John was and to ask if it would be ok if John’s replacement could call tomorrow and ask some questions to ramp up. We spoke several days ago, and I could tell we were very similar. But tonight, we started talking about parenting. Our styles are very similar on many levels. We had much in common. She has three kids. She graduated in three years from college. She has several siblings. Her brother is adopted. She is a strong personality. She’s got a similar sense of humor. She comes from a similar background. She and I clicked.
It will be awkward to try to develop a friendship since she’s my husband’s boss. But I really think we’d get a long well. After an hour phone conversation, I’m even more convinced that this is someone with whom I could develop a good friendship.
It would be so nice to have a close friendship that spanned many different compartments of my life.
Finding friends has become much more difficult as an adult. I always used to make friends very easily, but find it’s much more difficult now. I’m not quite sure why it’s more difficult, but it is. I can find people who fit into certain “compartments” of my life and meet certain needs within that compartment… like my weight loss surgery friends, or my international adoption mom friends, or mom’s of my friends kids…. But it’s rare I find someone who can bridge all those compartments and can gel with the “whole me”.
My husband’s current boss called see how John was and to ask if it would be ok if John’s replacement could call tomorrow and ask some questions to ramp up. We spoke several days ago, and I could tell we were very similar. But tonight, we started talking about parenting. Our styles are very similar on many levels. We had much in common. She has three kids. She graduated in three years from college. She has several siblings. Her brother is adopted. She is a strong personality. She’s got a similar sense of humor. She comes from a similar background. She and I clicked.
It will be awkward to try to develop a friendship since she’s my husband’s boss. But I really think we’d get a long well. After an hour phone conversation, I’m even more convinced that this is someone with whom I could develop a good friendship.
It would be so nice to have a close friendship that spanned many different compartments of my life.
My father isn’t the same person he was before. He’s hardly recognizable to me. And I’m so sad about it. I’m not exactly sure when my father was diagnosed with diabetes, but I remember being in middle school and crying that I didn’t want to go take him something on the boat because he had eaten a sticky bun. My father would become mean and angry after eating sugar. It was only years later we learned that it was the diabetes. And only now can I see, it was only the beginning of the tremendous personality changes I would face because of this horrific progressive disease.
For most of my childhood my father was incredible. Played with us in the pool, wrestled with us, was active in our lives, talked to us, built sand castles and moats, took us camping… he was a fun daddy. He was a good daddy in almost every way. He was generous and kind to everyone and a wholesome role model. He was a Methodist Minister and I was always proud of who he was and what he did for a living – and the fact that his best trait, his generosity, was so well utilitized in his occupation.
However the apathy that comes with progressive dementia from diabetes has tainted the generous soul of who he is. It has magnified what was once his shining skill, and distorted him into a walking enigma. He now is totally driven by his own idea of what is right. Paying people off to be his friend. Reaching out inappropriately to strangers. Coupled with the paranoia that is his constant companion. He is blinded by the creativity of a manic mind, filled with the ideals of how he can invent something to bring in the next buck – and feeling screwed by the people who don’t understand it or support it.
All history is rewritten to fill in the Swiss cheese holes in his mind. Using broken pieces of past and present and melding them together into what sounds like a reasonable history… unless of course you know it never happened. Basically, when he doesn’t remember a detail, he simply makes it up. The rational man that I once was able to discuss philosophy and psychology with… is gone. Now all that remains is talking about whatever is stressing him at the moment and whatever he is hyper focused on in the moment that directly affects him. He is unable to talk about anything else, unless he feels he is “helping you”. And he resents anyone he can’t help because he only likes to befriend victims. Strong people make him feel threatened and cause him anxiety.
Because the family recognizes what isn’t real, it’s safer for him to surround himself with strangers. Strangers will believe the concocted past. And he strives to “help” anyone he can see in his mind eye as a victim. Whether it’s giving them advice, or helping them do something… he’s like the little retarded boy on the street that the big boys take advantage of. Helpless in a way, not realizing that there are wolves all around him to take advantage of him. It’s terribly sad. And as a family, we simply stand by and pray he doesn’t get hurt… happy he has at least something to make him happy.
But he’s not really happy anymore, because his mind is unable to reconcile the emotions he’s got left over from his past. There is a terrible disconnect between what happened and what he felt about what happened. He can no longer remember the details of what happened or what the resolution was about what happened; yet the raw emotion is still there. Most of these emotions are anger and resentment. Dangling emotions with no memory of the resolutions to anchor them and give them context. The gentle generous man is being lost to the demons of feelings that no longer make sense.
To the outside world, he seems normal. He seems well adjusted and friendly. Maybe a bit egotistical, expounding on ‘old stories of years gone by and his greatness for solving all problems with pop psychology’, but normal. He is talkative and gregarious in a very childlike way that most people find very endearing. Talk to him for 15 minutes and you think he’s so warm and kind. Talk to him for 30 minutes and the edges of the perfectly constructed glass of whom he claims to be beings to crack ever so slightly. Talk to him for an hour and the cracks spread… after a couple of hours, the glass façade is either broken or shattered. It doesn’t take longer then that for people to begin to see the paranoia or to catch him in lies that he uses to fill in the gaps in his short-term memory.
Managing someone with dementia isn’t easy. But it would be easier if he recognized he had it. He did for a while, but now he thinks he’s getting better. Yet everyone in the family can see how much worse things are… but no one has the guts to say it. Why bother? What’s to be gained from it? He’s now to the point where everyone in the family simply avoids the confrontation of “what is wrong”. He gets upset. He pulls out trump cards. His latest is that he has told my mom he wants a divorce. When she asks him why, he says he’s angry and resentful about the past. When she pushes him on what exactly, he throws up examples like “remember when you took my car keys and ran around the Mustang?” Her reply: Honey, that was when I was 17 years old and we were playing. That was more then 38 years ago. His reply, “well I have a lot of unresolved anger about that”. To him, all these feelings are justified and normal. He doesn’t realize he’s missing big parts of the picture of how those feelings were resolved.
What is so hard about dealing with all this is that he’s not unreasonable 100% of the time. Every once awhile (although it happens less and less) you see a glimpse of the man he used to be. And for a moment, you think you can rationalize with him. Make him see the areas where his judgment is flawed. Then you are bitch slapped back into reality… when he can’t stay focused on the present, and he uses the past as a constant crutch to build a case on why his judgment is correct. And you have to remind yourself: You can’t expect someone who is mentally ill to make good judgments or expect them to be rational. You can’t rationalize with the irrational. It’s so hard though… and you are left dealing with your own anger.
In case you haven’t realized it, I am a take-charge kind of girl. I tend to have an answer for most everything… but I have found no answer for this. In fact, I have pretty much buried my head in the sand about it. I guess this is my toe in the water trying to reconcile it in my head.
For most of my childhood my father was incredible. Played with us in the pool, wrestled with us, was active in our lives, talked to us, built sand castles and moats, took us camping… he was a fun daddy. He was a good daddy in almost every way. He was generous and kind to everyone and a wholesome role model. He was a Methodist Minister and I was always proud of who he was and what he did for a living – and the fact that his best trait, his generosity, was so well utilitized in his occupation.
However the apathy that comes with progressive dementia from diabetes has tainted the generous soul of who he is. It has magnified what was once his shining skill, and distorted him into a walking enigma. He now is totally driven by his own idea of what is right. Paying people off to be his friend. Reaching out inappropriately to strangers. Coupled with the paranoia that is his constant companion. He is blinded by the creativity of a manic mind, filled with the ideals of how he can invent something to bring in the next buck – and feeling screwed by the people who don’t understand it or support it.
All history is rewritten to fill in the Swiss cheese holes in his mind. Using broken pieces of past and present and melding them together into what sounds like a reasonable history… unless of course you know it never happened. Basically, when he doesn’t remember a detail, he simply makes it up. The rational man that I once was able to discuss philosophy and psychology with… is gone. Now all that remains is talking about whatever is stressing him at the moment and whatever he is hyper focused on in the moment that directly affects him. He is unable to talk about anything else, unless he feels he is “helping you”. And he resents anyone he can’t help because he only likes to befriend victims. Strong people make him feel threatened and cause him anxiety.
Because the family recognizes what isn’t real, it’s safer for him to surround himself with strangers. Strangers will believe the concocted past. And he strives to “help” anyone he can see in his mind eye as a victim. Whether it’s giving them advice, or helping them do something… he’s like the little retarded boy on the street that the big boys take advantage of. Helpless in a way, not realizing that there are wolves all around him to take advantage of him. It’s terribly sad. And as a family, we simply stand by and pray he doesn’t get hurt… happy he has at least something to make him happy.
But he’s not really happy anymore, because his mind is unable to reconcile the emotions he’s got left over from his past. There is a terrible disconnect between what happened and what he felt about what happened. He can no longer remember the details of what happened or what the resolution was about what happened; yet the raw emotion is still there. Most of these emotions are anger and resentment. Dangling emotions with no memory of the resolutions to anchor them and give them context. The gentle generous man is being lost to the demons of feelings that no longer make sense.
To the outside world, he seems normal. He seems well adjusted and friendly. Maybe a bit egotistical, expounding on ‘old stories of years gone by and his greatness for solving all problems with pop psychology’, but normal. He is talkative and gregarious in a very childlike way that most people find very endearing. Talk to him for 15 minutes and you think he’s so warm and kind. Talk to him for 30 minutes and the edges of the perfectly constructed glass of whom he claims to be beings to crack ever so slightly. Talk to him for an hour and the cracks spread… after a couple of hours, the glass façade is either broken or shattered. It doesn’t take longer then that for people to begin to see the paranoia or to catch him in lies that he uses to fill in the gaps in his short-term memory.
Managing someone with dementia isn’t easy. But it would be easier if he recognized he had it. He did for a while, but now he thinks he’s getting better. Yet everyone in the family can see how much worse things are… but no one has the guts to say it. Why bother? What’s to be gained from it? He’s now to the point where everyone in the family simply avoids the confrontation of “what is wrong”. He gets upset. He pulls out trump cards. His latest is that he has told my mom he wants a divorce. When she asks him why, he says he’s angry and resentful about the past. When she pushes him on what exactly, he throws up examples like “remember when you took my car keys and ran around the Mustang?” Her reply: Honey, that was when I was 17 years old and we were playing. That was more then 38 years ago. His reply, “well I have a lot of unresolved anger about that”. To him, all these feelings are justified and normal. He doesn’t realize he’s missing big parts of the picture of how those feelings were resolved.
What is so hard about dealing with all this is that he’s not unreasonable 100% of the time. Every once awhile (although it happens less and less) you see a glimpse of the man he used to be. And for a moment, you think you can rationalize with him. Make him see the areas where his judgment is flawed. Then you are bitch slapped back into reality… when he can’t stay focused on the present, and he uses the past as a constant crutch to build a case on why his judgment is correct. And you have to remind yourself: You can’t expect someone who is mentally ill to make good judgments or expect them to be rational. You can’t rationalize with the irrational. It’s so hard though… and you are left dealing with your own anger.
In case you haven’t realized it, I am a take-charge kind of girl. I tend to have an answer for most everything… but I have found no answer for this. In fact, I have pretty much buried my head in the sand about it. I guess this is my toe in the water trying to reconcile it in my head.
He had to be cathed. Ow-Chee-Wa-Wah! Poor guy. They took the abdominal drain out today. That hurt a lot. He also is now on oral Vicodan-- no more PCA. He's in a bit more pain, but still doing well. We are hoping that he can come home tomorrow.
Thanks everyone for your support and prayers. You're the best!
Thanks everyone for your support and prayers. You're the best!
It’s only 4pm and it feels like 11pm. I need a nap!
My neighbors came to the rescue last night and watched the kids for me. I am very appreciative. It's yet another big plus of not working in the coporate world anymore. I didn't have time to maintain my neighborly relations when I was working 10 hours a day. Now I actually have a bit of community support because I have time to nurture those relationships. It's a blessing -- even though I am loathe to ask ANYONE for any kind of help. It's a fault of mine.
Noah and Dinara even slept in till after 9am this morning. Emma was up at 6am however. I wish she would learn to sleep in. Maybe she too is worried about her dad.
John is doing well. He had a bit of pain this morning, so they gave him the wonder drug Toradol. Have you ever had it? I think it’s better then most other drugs. It’s an anti-inflammatory but it really works miracles. Anyway, he’s resting comfortably. Our nanny was here from 10 till 2 and I got to spend some quality time with him this morning.
Emma is out playing with her friend right now. All the kids are bathed. I have homemade spaghetti sauce ready for dinner. I have Noah and Dinara plopped down in front of Old Yeller that arrived mercifully from NetFlix yesterday. And so that will buy me a good hour and half to do some quick blogging, run the vacuum cleaner, put some clothes away, run the dishwasher and get dinner going. If we have time, I want to run back by the hospital and take the kids to go see daddy.
My neighbors came to the rescue last night and watched the kids for me. I am very appreciative. It's yet another big plus of not working in the coporate world anymore. I didn't have time to maintain my neighborly relations when I was working 10 hours a day. Now I actually have a bit of community support because I have time to nurture those relationships. It's a blessing -- even though I am loathe to ask ANYONE for any kind of help. It's a fault of mine.
Noah and Dinara even slept in till after 9am this morning. Emma was up at 6am however. I wish she would learn to sleep in. Maybe she too is worried about her dad.
John is doing well. He had a bit of pain this morning, so they gave him the wonder drug Toradol. Have you ever had it? I think it’s better then most other drugs. It’s an anti-inflammatory but it really works miracles. Anyway, he’s resting comfortably. Our nanny was here from 10 till 2 and I got to spend some quality time with him this morning.
Emma is out playing with her friend right now. All the kids are bathed. I have homemade spaghetti sauce ready for dinner. I have Noah and Dinara plopped down in front of Old Yeller that arrived mercifully from NetFlix yesterday. And so that will buy me a good hour and half to do some quick blogging, run the vacuum cleaner, put some clothes away, run the dishwasher and get dinner going. If we have time, I want to run back by the hospital and take the kids to go see daddy.
John's had surgery. They couldn't take it laproscopically because it was way in the back behind stuff. Turns out it had burst anyway. He's got a large incision and an abdominal drain. He's going to be in the hospital till at least Tuesday.
Neighbors are tag teaming watching the kiddos tonight so I can go back and be with him once he's out of recovery. Kids were with me in the waiting room for a few hours. Gameboy only holds their attention for so long....
Trying to get ahold of our previous nanny and see if she wants to work a few days. (You out there Rosemary?)
Thanks for the prayers!!! (this was supposed to be the EASY year)
Neighbors are tag teaming watching the kiddos tonight so I can go back and be with him once he's out of recovery. Kids were with me in the waiting room for a few hours. Gameboy only holds their attention for so long....
Trying to get ahold of our previous nanny and see if she wants to work a few days. (You out there Rosemary?)
Thanks for the prayers!!! (this was supposed to be the EASY year)
They are thinking appendix. Or maybe kidney stones. They were going to do a contrast CAT scan. Im waiting to hear from him. If they decide to admit him, I'll try to find a babysitter and go to the hospital.
It sucks living where you have no family to help out.
I'll update the blog again when I know more.
It sucks living where you have no family to help out.
I'll update the blog again when I know more.
I have kids that require 11 to 12 hours of sleep. When they don’t get said sleep, they are really cranky. Not cranky like normal everyday whine cranky. I mean a bit on the mean side. Not fun to be around. Miserable.
It’s been a long week. My husband has been putting in a lot of hours at his new job. And I knew I had to get out and grocery shop last night if I wanted to do it without three kids in tow. So I told him that Noah and Dinara had been “difficult” yesterday and please make sure they get to bed at 7:30.
Well I come home a little after nine pm and I can hear my two munchkins upstairs obviously not in bed. Emma bounds out of the playroom to tell me “Daddy just put the kids to bed”. I’m irked. I’m really irked because:
1. Noah and Dinara do not ever sleep in.
2. It was the ONE THING I asked him to do while I was gone - get them to bed on time.
3. Why the big deal? Because he is scheduled to work all day Saturday, I knew I was the one going to pay the price of overtired kids all day.
So when Emma told me that, I wasn't a happy camper. I was like “Why didn’t you get the kids to bed?” His response: “I did.”. Then he just walked away after yelling at Emma to “just go to bed Emma” because he was so irritated at her ratting him out.
What I didn’t realize at the time, was that he did put them to bed on time, they just were being cretins and not going to sleep. Also, Hubby was in pain. And that was the reason he wasn’t his normal high patience self. I didn’t realize how much pain at the time.
When he finally told me last night, I tried to get him to go to the ER. But he wanted to tough it out and see if it went away. It didn’t.
So, this morning I wake up at the crack of dawn to kids who are WIRED again. Not too thrilling but expected. And Hubby tells me that he slept awful. He has a bad pain in his right side, has a slight temp, is supposed to go into work at 10am but doesn’t think he can make it.
So John is off to the doctor. I’m suspecting it’s either appendicitis or gall bladder. Either way, the poor guy feels like crap. And I feel bad that I gave him a rough time last night about Dinara and Noah.
And thus starts the beginning of our weekend...
It’s been a long week. My husband has been putting in a lot of hours at his new job. And I knew I had to get out and grocery shop last night if I wanted to do it without three kids in tow. So I told him that Noah and Dinara had been “difficult” yesterday and please make sure they get to bed at 7:30.
Well I come home a little after nine pm and I can hear my two munchkins upstairs obviously not in bed. Emma bounds out of the playroom to tell me “Daddy just put the kids to bed”. I’m irked. I’m really irked because:
1. Noah and Dinara do not ever sleep in.
2. It was the ONE THING I asked him to do while I was gone - get them to bed on time.
3. Why the big deal? Because he is scheduled to work all day Saturday, I knew I was the one going to pay the price of overtired kids all day.
So when Emma told me that, I wasn't a happy camper. I was like “Why didn’t you get the kids to bed?” His response: “I did.”. Then he just walked away after yelling at Emma to “just go to bed Emma” because he was so irritated at her ratting him out.
What I didn’t realize at the time, was that he did put them to bed on time, they just were being cretins and not going to sleep. Also, Hubby was in pain. And that was the reason he wasn’t his normal high patience self. I didn’t realize how much pain at the time.
When he finally told me last night, I tried to get him to go to the ER. But he wanted to tough it out and see if it went away. It didn’t.
So, this morning I wake up at the crack of dawn to kids who are WIRED again. Not too thrilling but expected. And Hubby tells me that he slept awful. He has a bad pain in his right side, has a slight temp, is supposed to go into work at 10am but doesn’t think he can make it.
So John is off to the doctor. I’m suspecting it’s either appendicitis or gall bladder. Either way, the poor guy feels like crap. And I feel bad that I gave him a rough time last night about Dinara and Noah.
And thus starts the beginning of our weekend...
It's 2:50pm and I am finally getting a shower. I spent the morning cleaning and doing laundry and I decided I needed a kid break. A nice hot shower seemed like a great opportunity.
The following is not a glimpse at my parenting best. It's just real. Cause my kids are driving me crazy today.
2:49 I tell my children I am going to take 15 mins to take a shower. To not bother me unless it's important. I'd be out in a few minutes.
2:50 I get in the shower.
2:52
Dinara: Mom?
Me: Yes?
Dinara: Noah whacked me in the arm with the broom.
Me: Im sorry. I bet that hurt.
Dinara: Aren't you going to do something?
Me: Tell him I said to stop it.
She's happy with this response-- she leaves.
2:53 I'm lathering up my hair and Noah comes in.
Noah: Mom?
Me: Yes Noah.
Noah: Dinara is bossing me around.
Me: Did you hit her with the broom?
Noah: Yes but she's bossing me.
Me: Are you using your words and telling her you don't like that?
Noah: Oh. Yeah. Ok. (leaves)
2:56
Noah She told me to shut up.
The forth coming response must not have been quick enough.
Noah: Mom are you talking to me?
Me: Noah.. what do you want me to do?
Noah: I don't know.
Me: You guys need to solve your problems with words. If I have to solve the problem, no one is going to like the solution.
Noah: (sighs heavily) Ok. Mom?
Me: Yes Noah?
Noah: Do you have soap on your face?
Me: No Noah. Can mommy have some privacy please?
2:59
Dinara: Mom?
Me: What now?
Dinara: Can I have a cookie?
Me: No.
Dinara: But Mom... I am really hungry. Can I have some fruit?
Me: Dinara go to your room and wait there till I get out of the shower.
Dinara: But mom...
Me: Just go or you won't get anything.
3:01
Noah: Mom?
Me: What?
Noah: Can I have some fruit?
Me: Go to your room and wait there till I am done.
The following is not a glimpse at my parenting best. It's just real. Cause my kids are driving me crazy today.
2:49 I tell my children I am going to take 15 mins to take a shower. To not bother me unless it's important. I'd be out in a few minutes.
2:50 I get in the shower.
2:52
Dinara: Mom?
Me: Yes?
Dinara: Noah whacked me in the arm with the broom.
Me: Im sorry. I bet that hurt.
Dinara: Aren't you going to do something?
Me: Tell him I said to stop it.
She's happy with this response-- she leaves.
2:53 I'm lathering up my hair and Noah comes in.
Noah: Mom?
Me: Yes Noah.
Noah: Dinara is bossing me around.
Me: Did you hit her with the broom?
Noah: Yes but she's bossing me.
Me: Are you using your words and telling her you don't like that?
Noah: Oh. Yeah. Ok. (leaves)
2:56
Noah She told me to shut up.
The forth coming response must not have been quick enough.
Noah: Mom are you talking to me?
Me: Noah.. what do you want me to do?
Noah: I don't know.
Me: You guys need to solve your problems with words. If I have to solve the problem, no one is going to like the solution.
Noah: (sighs heavily) Ok. Mom?
Me: Yes Noah?
Noah: Do you have soap on your face?
Me: No Noah. Can mommy have some privacy please?
2:59
Dinara: Mom?
Me: What now?
Dinara: Can I have a cookie?
Me: No.
Dinara: But Mom... I am really hungry. Can I have some fruit?
Me: Dinara go to your room and wait there till I get out of the shower.
Dinara: But mom...
Me: Just go or you won't get anything.
3:01
Noah: Mom?
Me: What?
Noah: Can I have some fruit?
Me: Go to your room and wait there till I am done.
Last night at the dinner table, my first grade daughter Emma told us about the talent show at school. She talked about how her friends did something funny, about how this one girl sang a song, and recounted all the highlights to us. Then she got to the part about one kid who stood up on stage and was literally petrified with stage fright. He couldn’t speak, he couldn’t move and I guess he made some funny croaking noise. My daughter gleefully told me how everyone laughed.
I’m sure it was funny but I decided to take this opportunity to talk about empathy. We’ve been struggling with that lesson in our house lately. Emma has a very sharp wit and a sharp tongue. She can run rip shod over her siblings with her mouth and stun them into silence or fits of frustrated rage. Her brain works so quick that her heart doesn’t have time to stop to think about being empathetic and what she’s doing to the other person. I want my daughter to be warm and caring and learn to control her wit and tongue. I want empathy to guide her choices. A lesson I still struggle with even in my 30’s.
I asked her how she thought that boy felt and she acknowledged he was probably pretty sad. And I told her that laughing at him wasn’t a good choice. Her reply “But everyone else was”. Well, just because everyone else is making a bad choice, doesn’t mean that makes it the right choice. (Isn’t there a different phrase I can use then this cliché? Hopefully it didn’t sound like a cliché to her.) I told her that I wanted her to be different from everyone else and let her heart help make choices not just her head. We talked about how it’s a good goal to make people feel good, not sad. And then she told me even the adults were laughing. So we discussed it’s sometimes hard to know what is the right choice and what is the wrong choice. Most of the time you can model yourself after adults you respect, but sometimes, you have to just follow your heart.
I really want my kids to be different. I want to raise compassionate kids who will stick up for the underdog. Who have a strong enough sense of self to feel confident not following the mainstream if they know it isn’t right. I really want my children to be different. But I’m unsure the best way to go about teaching them when it’s important to “conform” and when it’s important to “go your own way”.
It’s hard this parenting stuff. Especially when you are trying to teach your kids lessons you are still learning yourself.
I’m sure it was funny but I decided to take this opportunity to talk about empathy. We’ve been struggling with that lesson in our house lately. Emma has a very sharp wit and a sharp tongue. She can run rip shod over her siblings with her mouth and stun them into silence or fits of frustrated rage. Her brain works so quick that her heart doesn’t have time to stop to think about being empathetic and what she’s doing to the other person. I want my daughter to be warm and caring and learn to control her wit and tongue. I want empathy to guide her choices. A lesson I still struggle with even in my 30’s.
I asked her how she thought that boy felt and she acknowledged he was probably pretty sad. And I told her that laughing at him wasn’t a good choice. Her reply “But everyone else was”. Well, just because everyone else is making a bad choice, doesn’t mean that makes it the right choice. (Isn’t there a different phrase I can use then this cliché? Hopefully it didn’t sound like a cliché to her.) I told her that I wanted her to be different from everyone else and let her heart help make choices not just her head. We talked about how it’s a good goal to make people feel good, not sad. And then she told me even the adults were laughing. So we discussed it’s sometimes hard to know what is the right choice and what is the wrong choice. Most of the time you can model yourself after adults you respect, but sometimes, you have to just follow your heart.
I really want my kids to be different. I want to raise compassionate kids who will stick up for the underdog. Who have a strong enough sense of self to feel confident not following the mainstream if they know it isn’t right. I really want my children to be different. But I’m unsure the best way to go about teaching them when it’s important to “conform” and when it’s important to “go your own way”.
It’s hard this parenting stuff. Especially when you are trying to teach your kids lessons you are still learning yourself.
Sour Cream Pringles settle my stomach. I ate a TON of them when I was in Kazakhstan.
Dinara found a can of Pringles on the counter and helped herself. She hasn't had any in a long time - maybe since we got back from Kaz. She put them in her mouth and said "Wow... these remind me of my old house."
I really cling to these glimpses of her memories. They are fading.
Dinara found a can of Pringles on the counter and helped herself. She hasn't had any in a long time - maybe since we got back from Kaz. She put them in her mouth and said "Wow... these remind me of my old house."
I really cling to these glimpses of her memories. They are fading.
I am a fan of the show Survivor. A very big fan. I think it’s really educated me in the ways of politics. It was while watching this show in Season 1 that I realized… it’s not how great you are, it’s not how well you do the work, it’s not about being “good”. Everything in corporate life is about not getting voted off the island. So much of climbing the ladder is about being liked. Doing the job well is secondary.
I know that sounds cynical. But it’s true for so much in today’s life.
I worked for a big company here in the Pacific NW that is known for hiring a top notch work force. When you have a bunch of stars in the workplace…what sets them apart? It’s their political skills. I started to learn it even before Survivor came on the air, but it was so hard to take. I didn’t want to be measured by how well I make friends and play the game. I wanted to be measured on my competency, my talent, my skills. I just couldn’t wrap my ego around the fact that people, who did their job worse then me, got further ahead because they played politics better.
I’ve blissfully gotten out this game for the last few years being home with my kids. I haven’t had to apply many of these corporate lessons to my life. I’ve been pretty stress free in that respect. But now I’m in the PTA. And let me just say… it’s like work, but worse. Because the people aren’t getting paid and you work with some people you would fire in real life.
To make a long story short, there’s a woman on the PTA who has her own agenda. She just wants to be left alone to do her thing. She tends to be more “exclusive” vs. inclusive. She’s catty and not someone you can trust. She has her only little clique and they do not like the idea of change. They want to do everything the same way it’s always been done.
Come to find out that she didn’t agree with a directive that she agreed to in a meeting. Days later, under short deadline, instead of dealing with “I’m changing my mind” she simply went to the principal (principal had nothing to do with it) and started bad mouthing the president. Not in a “direct” way, but in a way everyone around her is looking at her saying… “wow.. how childish”.
But, the thing about this woman is… she’s very social and she’s linked up with the other moms. She’s “working her alliances”. And it’s taking me back to what it was like when I was working. My sense of justice is screaming at me. Even though she’s wrong, dead wrong, she’s so dangerous because she knows how to work her relationships. The quest here is not for what is right… the quest is all about who isn’t going to get voted off the island. It’s like being in middle school again. Everything is a popularity contest.
It’s frustrating. But I am up for the challenge. If I have to play the popularity card, I can and will. I just wont like it too much. But I know that I can outwit, outsmart and outplay this woman. It will be my quest. Cause I love Survivor.
I know that sounds cynical. But it’s true for so much in today’s life.
I worked for a big company here in the Pacific NW that is known for hiring a top notch work force. When you have a bunch of stars in the workplace…what sets them apart? It’s their political skills. I started to learn it even before Survivor came on the air, but it was so hard to take. I didn’t want to be measured by how well I make friends and play the game. I wanted to be measured on my competency, my talent, my skills. I just couldn’t wrap my ego around the fact that people, who did their job worse then me, got further ahead because they played politics better.
I’ve blissfully gotten out this game for the last few years being home with my kids. I haven’t had to apply many of these corporate lessons to my life. I’ve been pretty stress free in that respect. But now I’m in the PTA. And let me just say… it’s like work, but worse. Because the people aren’t getting paid and you work with some people you would fire in real life.
To make a long story short, there’s a woman on the PTA who has her own agenda. She just wants to be left alone to do her thing. She tends to be more “exclusive” vs. inclusive. She’s catty and not someone you can trust. She has her only little clique and they do not like the idea of change. They want to do everything the same way it’s always been done.
Come to find out that she didn’t agree with a directive that she agreed to in a meeting. Days later, under short deadline, instead of dealing with “I’m changing my mind” she simply went to the principal (principal had nothing to do with it) and started bad mouthing the president. Not in a “direct” way, but in a way everyone around her is looking at her saying… “wow.. how childish”.
But, the thing about this woman is… she’s very social and she’s linked up with the other moms. She’s “working her alliances”. And it’s taking me back to what it was like when I was working. My sense of justice is screaming at me. Even though she’s wrong, dead wrong, she’s so dangerous because she knows how to work her relationships. The quest here is not for what is right… the quest is all about who isn’t going to get voted off the island. It’s like being in middle school again. Everything is a popularity contest.
It’s frustrating. But I am up for the challenge. If I have to play the popularity card, I can and will. I just wont like it too much. But I know that I can outwit, outsmart and outplay this woman. It will be my quest. Cause I love Survivor.
Got this from Mir who got it from a bunch of others.
LAYER ONE:
Name: Kym
Birthdate: Nov. 3, 1967
Birthplace: Pittsburgh, PA
Current Location: Seattle
Eye Color: Green
Hair Color: Dark Brown, almost black
Height: 5'11 (freakin' Amazon)
Righty or Lefty: Righty
Zodiac Sign: Scorpio. Sun is Scorp, Moon is Scorp, ascendant is Scorp. Im a *true* Scorpio. Both the good and the bad of the sign.
LAYER TWO:
Your Heritage: Heinz varieties. German, English Lithuanianian mostly.
The shoes I wore today: DNKY Sneaker Mule type things
Your weakness: Dark Chocolate
Your fears: Not being able to protect my children. Astroid hitting the earth. Biological Warfare. Ya know. Normal stuff.
Your perfect pizza: Meaty on a thin crust.
Goal you'd like to achieve: Saving a million in the next 7 years.
LAYER THREE:
Your most overused phrase on AIM:
Your first waking thoughts: I hope when I pee Noah doesnt hear it and wake up.
Your best physical feature: My new flat lower abs.
Your most missed memory: Playing hide and seek at twilight with the kids from my neighborhood.
LAYER FOUR:
Pepsi or Coke: Diet Coke with Lime!
McDonald's or Burger King: McD's
Single or group dates: Dates?? Group.
Adidas or Nike: Nike.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Decaffeinatedated Ice Tea. Brand isnt as important.
Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or coffee: Yummy!!!
LAYER FIVE:
Smoke: No. Did when I was younger. Still crave it if I am drinking.
Cuss: Fuck no.
Sing: Alto. I like to do harmony although Im not good at it.
Take a shower every day: Most days.
Do you think you've been in love: Yes.
Want to go to college: Been there, done that.
Liked high school: Hated it.
Want to get married: Not again.
Believe in yourself: Yes.
Get motion sickness: Now that Im older, yes.
Think you're attractive: Yes. I consider myself slightly above average.
Think you're a health freak: Uh no.
Get along with your parent(s): Off and on. I get along better with my mom now then I did. And things with my dad arent as good as they were since he has dementia.
Like thunderstorms: Yes!
Play an instrument: Nope
LAYER SIX: In the past month...
Drank alcohol: Yes
Smoked: No
Done a drug: Just hormone replacement therapy.
Made Out: yep
Gone on a date: No
Gone to the mall: Nope.
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: Nope
Eaten sushi: Yuck. No.
Been on stage: No
Been dumped: No
Gone skating: No
Made homemade cookies: Yep last week. They sucked.
Dyed your hair: Nope. My hair is natural although I'm thinking about adding highlights.
Stolen Anything: No
LAYER SEVEN: Ever...
Played a game that required removal of clothing: Yep
If so, was it mixed company: Yep.
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Yep
Been caught "doing something": Does it sound egotistical if I say I rarely get caught?
Been called a tease: Yes. I think teasing is a lost art.
Gotten beaten up: Yep. Middle school sucked.
Shoplifted: I think I did as a kid.
Changed who you were to fit in: I dont believe anyone can change who they actually are but you can adapt yourself to different situations.
LAYER EIGHT:
Age you hope to be married: I got married at 23.
Numbers and Names of Children: Emma is 7, Dinara is almost 6 and Noah is almost 4.
Describe your dream wedding: I dont have a "dream wedding" ideal. My idea of a dream marriage gets me into a lot of trouble though.
How do you want to die: In my sleep, in no pain, in my own home, after a long healthy life.
Where you want to go to college: Already done with this.
What do you want to be when you grow up: A Grandma
What country would you most like to visit: Kenya
LAYER NINE:
Number of drugs taken illegally: 2
Number of people I could trust with my life: Quite a few.
Number of CDs that I own: I have no idea. Dozens.
Number of piercings: 2 in each ear.
Number of tattoos: None.
Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: A few times. I had to do quotes for the press in my previous job.
Number of scars on my body: Lots. I have huge scars from my tummy tuck and breast lift..but they are fading to white.
Number of things in my past that I regret: I dont have many regrets. I'm overall pretty happy with my life!
LAYER ONE:
Name: Kym
Birthdate: Nov. 3, 1967
Birthplace: Pittsburgh, PA
Current Location: Seattle
Eye Color: Green
Hair Color: Dark Brown, almost black
Height: 5'11 (freakin' Amazon)
Righty or Lefty: Righty
Zodiac Sign: Scorpio. Sun is Scorp, Moon is Scorp, ascendant is Scorp. Im a *true* Scorpio. Both the good and the bad of the sign.
LAYER TWO:
Your Heritage: Heinz varieties. German, English Lithuanianian mostly.
The shoes I wore today: DNKY Sneaker Mule type things
Your weakness: Dark Chocolate
Your fears: Not being able to protect my children. Astroid hitting the earth. Biological Warfare. Ya know. Normal stuff.
Your perfect pizza: Meaty on a thin crust.
Goal you'd like to achieve: Saving a million in the next 7 years.
LAYER THREE:
Your most overused phrase on AIM:
Your first waking thoughts: I hope when I pee Noah doesnt hear it and wake up.
Your best physical feature: My new flat lower abs.
Your most missed memory: Playing hide and seek at twilight with the kids from my neighborhood.
LAYER FOUR:
Pepsi or Coke: Diet Coke with Lime!
McDonald's or Burger King: McD's
Single or group dates: Dates?? Group.
Adidas or Nike: Nike.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Decaffeinatedated Ice Tea. Brand isnt as important.
Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or coffee: Yummy!!!
LAYER FIVE:
Smoke: No. Did when I was younger. Still crave it if I am drinking.
Cuss: Fuck no.
Sing: Alto. I like to do harmony although Im not good at it.
Take a shower every day: Most days.
Do you think you've been in love: Yes.
Want to go to college: Been there, done that.
Liked high school: Hated it.
Want to get married: Not again.
Believe in yourself: Yes.
Get motion sickness: Now that Im older, yes.
Think you're attractive: Yes. I consider myself slightly above average.
Think you're a health freak: Uh no.
Get along with your parent(s): Off and on. I get along better with my mom now then I did. And things with my dad arent as good as they were since he has dementia.
Like thunderstorms: Yes!
Play an instrument: Nope
LAYER SIX: In the past month...
Drank alcohol: Yes
Smoked: No
Done a drug: Just hormone replacement therapy.
Made Out: yep
Gone on a date: No
Gone to the mall: Nope.
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: Nope
Eaten sushi: Yuck. No.
Been on stage: No
Been dumped: No
Gone skating: No
Made homemade cookies: Yep last week. They sucked.
Dyed your hair: Nope. My hair is natural although I'm thinking about adding highlights.
Stolen Anything: No
LAYER SEVEN: Ever...
Played a game that required removal of clothing: Yep
If so, was it mixed company: Yep.
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Yep
Been caught "doing something": Does it sound egotistical if I say I rarely get caught?
Been called a tease: Yes. I think teasing is a lost art.
Gotten beaten up: Yep. Middle school sucked.
Shoplifted: I think I did as a kid.
Changed who you were to fit in: I dont believe anyone can change who they actually are but you can adapt yourself to different situations.
LAYER EIGHT:
Age you hope to be married: I got married at 23.
Numbers and Names of Children: Emma is 7, Dinara is almost 6 and Noah is almost 4.
Describe your dream wedding: I dont have a "dream wedding" ideal. My idea of a dream marriage gets me into a lot of trouble though.
How do you want to die: In my sleep, in no pain, in my own home, after a long healthy life.
Where you want to go to college: Already done with this.
What do you want to be when you grow up: A Grandma
What country would you most like to visit: Kenya
LAYER NINE:
Number of drugs taken illegally: 2
Number of people I could trust with my life: Quite a few.
Number of CDs that I own: I have no idea. Dozens.
Number of piercings: 2 in each ear.
Number of tattoos: None.
Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: A few times. I had to do quotes for the press in my previous job.
Number of scars on my body: Lots. I have huge scars from my tummy tuck and breast lift..but they are fading to white.
Number of things in my past that I regret: I dont have many regrets. I'm overall pretty happy with my life!
I don’t know how it is in your house, but in our house, my husband and I don’t fight much. Fighting isn’t even the right word. About every 3 weeks, I tend to get upset about where we are at. I think we should be doing more together, or rather, I think he should be doing more. I want him to listen more, I want him to do more around the house, I want him to take over and manage our lives so I can have one freakin’ break. It’s always emotional and I feel like we are in that Bill Murray Groundhog Day movie. We are basically doing the same “discussion” once a month and then things go back to the way they were till I blow up again.
And before those of you of the male persuasion sock this up to hormones… it’s not. I had a hysterectomy so this has no hormone connection. At least not a direct link.
Hubby never gets upset with me. I mean rarely. He doesn’t at least get emotional or ever bitch about what I am doing or what I am not. He really doesn’t seem to care very much one way or another. What does upset him is when I get into these emotional rants. And he always says he’s sorry and he always says it will get better. But it doesn’t. It stays the same. I know it’s going to be the same, he knows it’s going to be the same… and well… it’s the same.
So why do I keep doing it? Why take us through the emotional torture of my ranting and desperate hope for change. He’s not going to change at this point of the game. I’m not going to leave him because well, as much as I think the grass is greener in other pastures, I’m quite comfy in my own pasture and logically think I’d be trading one issue for another in another pasture. I wouldn’t want to do it to the kids either. And of course, I do love the big lug… even though I feel like choking him sometimes.
So we drone on. I am wasting an incredible amount of energy when I do this once a month. I need to just stop. Truth is, nothing is going to change and I am just setting myself up for disappointment and angst thinking it is going to change. I need to focus my energy on the good things and be happy with what I got. Somehow I need to figure out a way to detach myself from this outcome of marital bliss I have in my head.
And before those of you of the male persuasion sock this up to hormones… it’s not. I had a hysterectomy so this has no hormone connection. At least not a direct link.
Hubby never gets upset with me. I mean rarely. He doesn’t at least get emotional or ever bitch about what I am doing or what I am not. He really doesn’t seem to care very much one way or another. What does upset him is when I get into these emotional rants. And he always says he’s sorry and he always says it will get better. But it doesn’t. It stays the same. I know it’s going to be the same, he knows it’s going to be the same… and well… it’s the same.
So why do I keep doing it? Why take us through the emotional torture of my ranting and desperate hope for change. He’s not going to change at this point of the game. I’m not going to leave him because well, as much as I think the grass is greener in other pastures, I’m quite comfy in my own pasture and logically think I’d be trading one issue for another in another pasture. I wouldn’t want to do it to the kids either. And of course, I do love the big lug… even though I feel like choking him sometimes.
So we drone on. I am wasting an incredible amount of energy when I do this once a month. I need to just stop. Truth is, nothing is going to change and I am just setting myself up for disappointment and angst thinking it is going to change. I need to focus my energy on the good things and be happy with what I got. Somehow I need to figure out a way to detach myself from this outcome of marital bliss I have in my head.
I’m off to the doctor’s this morning. I get to hear about why my calcium is low. Could it possibly be that I had a complete hysterectomy and malabsorptive weight loss surgery? Probably. I’ve been very religious with my supplements except I’ve slacked off on Vitamin D. Most normal people get Vitamin D from the sun. Since we live above the 45 parallel, getting sunlight is almost impossible on a regular basis; my body can’t convert the calcium I take if I don’t have Vit D in my system, so I assume that’s what the problem is. We’ll discuss it today. Other then that, I am two years out from my weight loss surgery, down 160 lbs and feelin’ groovy!
Yesterday I made our plane reservations for Disney World. I’m really looking forward to that trip. I also made our reservations for Discovery Cove. I decided to go ahead and sign up Noah for the Dolphin swim, even though he’s only going to be 4 years and 3 months. You are supposed to be six years old. Truth is, he swims as well as his six year old sister. He’s taking swimming lessons all year. He is the same height as she is. They look like they could be twins. So…. I figured why not? They put the kids in lifejackets and Noah is a very compliant kid (except for eating fruit rollups out of the neighbors garage) and follows directions well. So it should be great fun. Although I haven’t quite figured out how to explain he has to lie about his age yet. Don’t lie, but lie just this one time? Ugh. Bad mommy.
We are in the midst of end of the year wrap up here. Doing field trips, going to school conferences, seeing end of the year performances. I can’t believe that Emma is done with the first grade already. Where is the time going? I really have to push myself more to savor every minute. Time is really fleeting.
I’ve been on another organizing kick. I think I’m going to hold a big garage sale. I heard that they are ready to do a big shipment of our new furniture. YIPEEEE. Everything is in except the Master Bedroom and Kitchen Table. So knowing that furniture is going to be here in a month has also been spurring on my organization kick. I’ve been even working on getting pictures into scrapbooks. Feels good to me to get things organized. I wonder I am not slightly OCD? I really do like things orderly. It makes me feel HAPPY when my house is in order. Isn’t that weird?
Yesterday I made our plane reservations for Disney World. I’m really looking forward to that trip. I also made our reservations for Discovery Cove. I decided to go ahead and sign up Noah for the Dolphin swim, even though he’s only going to be 4 years and 3 months. You are supposed to be six years old. Truth is, he swims as well as his six year old sister. He’s taking swimming lessons all year. He is the same height as she is. They look like they could be twins. So…. I figured why not? They put the kids in lifejackets and Noah is a very compliant kid (except for eating fruit rollups out of the neighbors garage) and follows directions well. So it should be great fun. Although I haven’t quite figured out how to explain he has to lie about his age yet. Don’t lie, but lie just this one time? Ugh. Bad mommy.
We are in the midst of end of the year wrap up here. Doing field trips, going to school conferences, seeing end of the year performances. I can’t believe that Emma is done with the first grade already. Where is the time going? I really have to push myself more to savor every minute. Time is really fleeting.
I’ve been on another organizing kick. I think I’m going to hold a big garage sale. I heard that they are ready to do a big shipment of our new furniture. YIPEEEE. Everything is in except the Master Bedroom and Kitchen Table. So knowing that furniture is going to be here in a month has also been spurring on my organization kick. I’ve been even working on getting pictures into scrapbooks. Feels good to me to get things organized. I wonder I am not slightly OCD? I really do like things orderly. It makes me feel HAPPY when my house is in order. Isn’t that weird?
Today I’ve been thinking about how history will judge us. I heard on the radio someone talking about how Time and Life magazines were so against America’s involvement in WWII. The media really was ripping the administration apart because we were fighting something that it looked like we couldn’t win. All of Europe pretty much hated us. (Sounds familiar doesn't it?).
And then there was another show where they were talking about Reagan and how’s he was an eternal optimist. (I’m going to link this all up together in a cohesive thought I swear!) And he said he felt ok with his choices because he had faith in how the future generations will judge him. How future generations of Americans and other countries would judge him. He didn't see the media as the writers of history. He was “certain” of his choices. He was optimistic -- even when everyone else wasn't. He was optimisticly decisive - even about judgement.
It started me thinking about how judgment really happens in the future, not in the present. That people who are going to judge the Iraq war are people who might not even be born yet. Think about that for a second. Most of the people who are really going to judge what we are doing... aren't born yet. What will they think 50 years from now? I guess it depends on the outcome... and the outcome is freedom right?
And I wonder… is history going to judge us harsher for the IRAQ war where we did SOMETHING or are we going to be judged more harshly for Cambodia or Rwanda where we stood by and did NOTHING. I have to tell ya, I am leaning towards NOTHING being worse. But is history going to slap us in the face for all the times we didn't use our power for good or is history more forgiving to those who bury their head in the sand?
Makes ya wonder. Makes me wonder anyway.
And then there was another show where they were talking about Reagan and how’s he was an eternal optimist. (I’m going to link this all up together in a cohesive thought I swear!) And he said he felt ok with his choices because he had faith in how the future generations will judge him. How future generations of Americans and other countries would judge him. He didn't see the media as the writers of history. He was “certain” of his choices. He was optimistic -- even when everyone else wasn't. He was optimisticly decisive - even about judgement.
It started me thinking about how judgment really happens in the future, not in the present. That people who are going to judge the Iraq war are people who might not even be born yet. Think about that for a second. Most of the people who are really going to judge what we are doing... aren't born yet. What will they think 50 years from now? I guess it depends on the outcome... and the outcome is freedom right?
And I wonder… is history going to judge us harsher for the IRAQ war where we did SOMETHING or are we going to be judged more harshly for Cambodia or Rwanda where we stood by and did NOTHING. I have to tell ya, I am leaning towards NOTHING being worse. But is history going to slap us in the face for all the times we didn't use our power for good or is history more forgiving to those who bury their head in the sand?
Makes ya wonder. Makes me wonder anyway.
Life is still crazy but I have a few minutes so I'm going to answer my Fun Friday Question left over from last week.
Genuine asked two questions for Fun Friday:
1. What is the toughest thing about adopting a child?
The unknown. Not knowing medical history for example. Actually, not knowing history period. I think the hardest thing will be when my kids ask me questions when they get older and I don't have the answers for them. I don't want their "wondering why" to cause them pain.
2. What are you wearing?
Nothing exciting. Jeans and a bright pink button down blouse.
Genuine asked two questions for Fun Friday:
1. What is the toughest thing about adopting a child?
The unknown. Not knowing medical history for example. Actually, not knowing history period. I think the hardest thing will be when my kids ask me questions when they get older and I don't have the answers for them. I don't want their "wondering why" to cause them pain.
2. What are you wearing?
Nothing exciting. Jeans and a bright pink button down blouse.
Things are busy here. I have PTA political madness going on, some sort of freaky eye thing that "light" is making my eye tear up alot, a husband who's having to work a bunch of hours finishing up a project and my youngest out of preschool for the summer.
So I won't be around much for a few days...
So I won't be around much for a few days...
Husband John’s exasperation: Sometimes you kids drive me crazy!
Dinara’s 5 year old response: Indeed.
The conversation below was with my almost four year old son while waiting in our minivan this morning for school to start.
Noah: Mom I want tuna when I get home from school.
Me: Ok.
Noah: Not on bread. No noodles.
Me: Ok Noah, just plain tuna. I can do that.
Noah: With that stuff in it.
Me: Mayonnaise?
Noah: Yes. On a plate.
Me: No problem. You can have tuna on a plate for lunch.
Noah: And Salt.
Noah: And pepper.
Me: Ok son.
Noah: You are the best mom.
Me: You are the best son.
Dinara’s 5 year old response: Indeed.
The conversation below was with my almost four year old son while waiting in our minivan this morning for school to start.
Noah: Mom I want tuna when I get home from school.
Me: Ok.
Noah: Not on bread. No noodles.
Me: Ok Noah, just plain tuna. I can do that.
Noah: With that stuff in it.
Me: Mayonnaise?
Noah: Yes. On a plate.
Me: No problem. You can have tuna on a plate for lunch.
Noah: And Salt.
Noah: And pepper.
Me: Ok son.
Noah: You are the best mom.
Me: You are the best son.
