I am sharing my adoption travel journal. It's quite a story. I hope to share it "daily" or at least post every other day. I'll start the adoption story posts with an "*" so you can find them in the archives. I hope you enjoy it.
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We had a wonderful flight from Seattle to Moscow. I am so grateful we flew business class. We arrived without incident. So far so good! We got off the plane with expectations. Expectations that we would be met at the end of the ramp by the VIP service we hired from gotorussia. We paid a lot of money for the VIP service because they speak Russian and they can help ease us through the process. And since our agency wasn’t thrilled about us going through Moscow to Almaty we figured we needed the extra support. They wanted us to go through Amsterdam or Frankfurt but tickets were so much cheaper going this way. Even in adoption we are rebels!

But guess what? There was no VIP service waiting where they told us there would be. Uh-Oh. So we kept walking. We saw a sign on a pole that said “VIP” (in English not Cyrillic) but there was no one there. It’s so disorientating to not know what the heck you are supposed to do in a country where you don’t read the language, don’t speak the language or know anyone. And yet you are on the most important trip of your life! We decided to go down the stairs to see if the sign was pointing us in that direction. Regular customs control was down there. They told us that if we got to regular customs, we had gone too far. So we went back to the VIP pole and waited a few minutes. Then I flagged someone down from INS who spoke “some” English. She called someone from VIP. They then took us on this long trek around the airport to the VIP lounge where we handed our passports to a uniformed guard and were told to sit down.

Stay with me here. Are you following still?

Well…. Something was wrong because I could tell someone serious (translate: uniformed and not smiling) was talking to the girl who brought us in. She came over and told me “You need to pay us 30 rubles each”. I replied that we had already paid for the service. I wasirritated at this point that the "pay through smooth VIP service" was no where to be found and I was getting concerned that we were going to miss our connection to Almaty. After some broken conversation back and forth… her in English, me in Russian (Me mostly saying “ya nyet Pan-nee-my-yoo—I don’t understand) I called the travel agency gotorussia in Moscow.

They spoke to her and everything got straightened out. Seems “their people” were looking for me. She told me go get the passports that were lying on the counter. I asked her if there was anything else we needed to do, she said no. At this point, I said to John.. I thought we were supposed to have another piece of paper from them…. But we were running so late and my Russian friend wasn’t liking me too much and she did say there was nothing else for me to do.

We left the VIP area where the “gotorussia” woman was waiting and she took us downstairs to our waiting luggage. We couldn’t find our driver. Now I’m getting worried because our flight leaves in less then 90 minutes and we have to transfer to another airport that is at least a 30 minute car ride away.

Finally our driver Vladimire finds us. He’s a kind older man and has a sign with our name on it. We walk outside and realize its REALLY snowing. By really snowing I mean we are in a blizzard. Very beautiful, and very cold. The temperature was close to zero. We hike it out to his van (why oh why did I bring so much friggin luggage?) and pile in. It’s about a half hour drive to the other airport.

We get to the other airport and it is REALLY coming down. Moscow is very pretty from what we could see in the dark. Vlad pointed out where the Russian army stopped Hitler’s troops in WWII. Interesting… Anyway… at the airport we learn that our flight is delayed because of the snow. We take this as a “welcomed break” because we only made it with 30 mins to spare. (traffic was good!)

Now to the interesting part of the story. We decide its time to go through customs. We go and low and behold we do not have the right paperwork. There were about 5 guards. One spoke English pretty well. He told us they wouldn’t let us get on the plane. We were detained. You see, we had all this cash and they were not going to let us leave Russia with it since it wasn’t declared. We were supposed to declare it on a piece of paper. And Russians are very big on pieces of paper and everything being all formal and stamped. What’s the big deal about extra money? As I could understand it, it’s that this money could be “Russian money” and they want it spent “in Russia”. All those American dollars help prop up their Ruble.

We had three options: 1. Leave the money (American cash) with them and go on without it. 2. One of us go, one of us stay. 3. Miss our flight and go buy “travelers checks” in American dollars the next day. 3 turned out to be our choice, but not until we conferred with our facilitator in Kaz that this would work. They had told us to only bring CASH. But I guess travelers checks would work in a pinch.

Let's be honest. I tried everything to try to get through to these customs guards. I cried, I showed them pictures of my kids-- I begged and pleaded. Nothing worked. They weren’t going to let us through. I was devestated. After all the waiting, all the paperchasing, all the glitches that are just so part of the road to international adoption.. I was going to get held up in Moscow only hours before I was supposed to hold my children for the very first time. It was emotionally devestating. I am sure they got a chuckle out of the distraught American crying to go get her babies. Babies she hadn't even met yet. So much for sympathy because I didn’t get any.

So here we are in the Moscow Marriott Grand. It’s a beautiful hotel. We hope, God willing, to get out on a flight tonight and will see our babies tomorrow. I was hoping to be able to send this out … the hotel has an ISP but we are having trouble connecting. I am assuming its because we have win2000 and they want Win95. Cutting edge technology is going to be the death of us. Ironic huh?

So that’s our last update for a little bit…. We’ll write more when when get to Almaty, Kazakhstan. I can't wait to see it.

I need to start on Dinara and Noah’s Lifebooks. I just feel so inadequate I am having trouble getting started. I’ve bought the actual books from Creative Memories. I have bought some stickers and other decorations for the pages. I know how I want it to look. But I am paralyzed.

The main reason I am paralyzed is because I want to create something perfect. In some weird sense I want to document every possible thing I know about their pasts so they will have it all in one place. One place they can go to for comfort. But I’m not sure this appropriate.

In another way, I want to create something technically beautiful. Something of heirloom quality and I feel inadequate in my scrapbooking skills. I want something that looks timeless… and I want it to feel cohesive throughout the book. And I want each book to be unique even though they share many of the same elements since it was the same trip.

I need to decide what my goal with each book is. Is it to tell a story? Is it to educate? Is it to document every detail? What are my 3 main objectives. And then use those objectives to help guide my decisions.

Then there are all the issues. I have a 70-page (single spaced) journal that documents the first several weeks of their lives with us at the orphanage and beyond. Do I incorporate that into the book somehow or keep it separate? Is the Lifebook the appropriate place to document every little shred of information I have about their pasts? What about privacy? Should this book only be for their eyes or should I keep in mind a wider audience, as they might want to share this part of their journey, heritage and culture with pride in the future? Do I include only the “positive” side of the experience and their story in this book? Where exactly do I start the story… it’s about their life not just their adoption. How do I handle the relinquishments? Where is an appropriate place to end the Lifebook or do I keep adding to it?

It’s overwhelming because I want it to be so special. It’s so important to me. I don’t want to screw it up. I don’t want it to be just acceptable but ideal. But the inertia of creating something perfect is debilitating.

I keep hoping I have a day where it just hits me that I feel secure enough to do this. But I’m not sure it’s going to happen. I think I just need to start. Part of me wants to wait a bit till I have done more scrapbooks of our family so I am at least more technically proficient. But truth is, this is something I don’t want to put off much longer. Its time to put a stake in the sand and do the best job I can at telling their story.

I might start with retelling our adoption journal tale here… maybe it will motivate me and help me by flooding my spirit with the incredible journey of meeting my children on the other side of the world.

I might just do that.

Who: Noah
What: New Cast to Mid Thigh - not waterproof
Color: Glow in the Dark
Verified: Emma Dinara and Noah have indeed verified it glows (in case you were wondering).
When: He gets it off 2 days before Disney World. (thank God)

Yesterday before I left I leaned over the back of Noah's wheelchair, tilted his head back and gave him a big almost upside down kiss goodbye before I left.

There was a big smile with his reply: Thanks for the Spiderman Kiss Mom!!!

Today we go get Noah's cast! Keep your fingers crossed that he only has to be in it for 5 weeks! We are hopeful.

Yesterday was busy. Got up took the kids to their last swimming lesson. All the kids made tremendous progress this year. Everyone is doing freestyle swimming and underwater swimming so I'm pleased. They are to the point now where if they fell in the pool, they could swim to the edge and pull themselves out. And that was the real point of swimming lessons. Giving our kids a skill that could one day save their lives.

Dropped the kids off and went to lunch with an old friend I used to work with... she's retiring and I am just so happy for her. She and I had a great Mexican lunch and got caught up. I'm hoping we can get together more often now that she's not working. She's one of those friends who I just always feel comfortable with. She's very easy going. It was great to see her.

Then I came home and we prepped for John's second interview with a major company here in the NW. Seems to have gone well.

Then I cleaned a bit. Exciting. But it was too hot so I didn't do much of that.

Then my other friend called and it's her birthday Saturday so I took her out to dinner and we ran to the mall to pick up a few things. That was fun. It was nice to have such a "friend filled" busy day yesterday. And does it make me sound like a bad mommy if I say it was nice to have a kid break too?

31 more days till school starts.....

Sorry it's taking me so long to get replies to these questions!!   Please keep sending them to me at kymberly@gmail.com .

Here's the next question.   It's a two parter! 

FIRST:
We have a lease...actually, we have two cars...a 99 ford escort (loan) and a '00 Dodge Neon (lease).  We didn't understand all the "fine print" when we purchased the lease and now that we're trying to get rid of it, we're having some SERIOUS problems!  Our credit dropped after we purchased a house and had tons of difficulties and got late paying bills blah blah blah...you know the deal.  Anyway, now we're trying to get rid of this lease and apparently the only people we can give it BACK to is the dealership we GOT it from...AND apparently they have to tack on whatever's left on the car to the next vehicle we get, which is making purchasing difficult.  We only have a year left on the vehicle, but I've been told so many times that it's dead weight, and to get rid of it as fast as we can.  Any ideas?

You don't state in your question what your primary reason is for wanting out of the lease.  I guess I'm going to assume you need to lower your payments.   You are right that it is dead weight in that it’s money you are paying and you won’t own anything at the end of the term.  But that is what leases do and that’s why the payments are lower.    They are contracts and you are pretty much locked in for the length of the lease.  But at least you only have 12 months left! 

If you decide to try to get out early do your negotiating with the leasing company not the dealership.    By cutting out the middleman you might be able to save yourselves some fees.   But don’t hold your breath.   Your contract clearly spells out what happens if you terminate early.   Review it.   But the news probably isn't good.

The only other way to try to lower your payments is to lengthen the term of the lease.   Some companies might let you do this…   it’s worth a try asking if getting lower payments is a goal.   
So… I have no happy news here.   You are pretty much stuck with your lease unless you are willing to pay to get out.

SECOND:
I don't know if you've heard of PHISH or not, but their entire entourage is coming to my town for the last concert.  70,000 tickets have been sold through ticketron and WHO KNOWS how many have been sold by other means.  This means that my entire small town (about 300 residents) is now going to be BOMBARDED!  There has GOT to be some way to make some money off of this!  We live right on the main road and have the perfect spot to sell something, but I THINK everything is going to be sold inside the camping/party/concert area.  Any thoughts there?

You are smart to be thinking along these lines!  Could be a great opportunity to make a few bucks.   You want to focus on things that don’t require you to lay out a lot of money up front.   Here are some things to think about:

1. What are the alcohol rules?   If folks are allowed to bring their own alcohol into the concert, then sell frozen virgin drink mixes they add their own alcohol too.
2. Will your town give you a permit to sell alcohol?
3. How close are you the concert venue?  Could you sell parking?
4. Information.   Is there any information about the band, the area, etc that people would be willing to pay for?
5. You mentioned camping.   I think anything you could take to the campground…. Walking up and down between the tents… selling say ice cream or whatever would go over really well.   Sell stuff it’s hard for campers to have themselves.
6. Provide a service like Henna Tattoos or something like that…..  something that screams “summer” and appeals to your younger audience.
   
   Good luck to you!!! 
    

Noah got his pediatric wheelchair and has become quite the expert at maneuvering it around the house.   I can also tell his leg is feeling better because we’ve caught him twice on the floor (from the wheelchair or the couch) trying to “move around” to get to something that dropped on the floor.  He’s taking the whole thing in stride.  He’s an incredible little boy.


Noah sporting his new shades and wheelchair at the concert this morning.

Things got much easier once my mom mentioned that we didn’t have to carry him to the toilet every time he had to go pee.   Seems I forgot that he was a boy and had a penis which means he can pee into a cup.   Still requires mommy’s help, but much easier to accomplish then lifting him all over the place.    He’s only 44 lbs, but he’s a solid 44 lbs and with the splint, he’s quite heavy.    And of course, we have to make sure the leg stays immobilized.


Is there nothing sweeter then a sleeping child?   

Friday we are going to get the cast.  His leg is quite swollen still.  Or at least it was last night.  I had hoped to get this waterproof cast.  But I spoke to the doctor’s office today and they didn’t sound to keen to it.   Maybe I still talk them into it… we’ll see.  

John’s temp is still fluctuating daily.   He’s been back to the General Practitioner who is going to refer him to an infectious disease doctor to try to sort everything out.    

Today we went and saw a kiddie band in the park called the Brian Waite Band.   It was good to get out and get Noah away from the Game Cube for awhile.   They have great music for kids.  I highly recommend their CD for the under 7 set.   Very pro self-esteem and not too annoying.    Beats the Wiggles hands down.  


You can see how much my daughter Dinara enjoyed them!

This is a pretty cool test and seems to have a lot of characters and dictators to choose from!   Do try it and let me know what it says you are in the comments!!

Told me one time I was Monica from Friends.
Second time told me I was Deborah from Everybody Loves Raymond.

 

Last night my wonderful husband let Noah sleep with him downstairs.   I slept a blissful 8 hours with only one small interruption from a groggy Dinara telling me she had a bad dream.  Well actually, she couldn’t quite find the words.  So eventually I said  “go back to bed honey” and she looked at me and said “ok”.  

Back to sleep! WOOT!!

I do not do well without sleep.   I guess no one does, but I am one of those people with a very high need for at least 7 hours of sleep.   You know the type… the type that turn mean and grumpy when they don’t fulfill their sleep requirement.   I get a bit bitchy when I don’t have it.   I know this happening because those around me tell to get a nap.   But even with my two hour nap yesterday I was still dragging. 

Noah has been up a lot during the night.  I have had several days of only getting about four hours sleep .  Total.  Mostly because I have trouble falling back asleep after any kind of major movement.   Between medicine, peeing, nightmares, pain control, bed movement (I am not co sleeping material) etc…   It’s been rough.  Plus I think if my hormones (post hysterectomy) are just the slightest bit off kilter, it’s much harder for me to fall back asleep.  It’s my only complaint about my hysterectomy.   Aging sucks I guess.

So last night I slapped on a new hormone patch and took a sleeping pill and passed the parenting baton to my partner in crime.

Thank you honey.   You are the BEST!

The CAT Scan was clear so we have no idea what is causing the fevers and back pain.  No sign of UTI.   No kidney stones.  But he keeps running these freak fevers where his fever spikes, then he takes motrin, then he sweats alot and the fever breaks.

If anyone has any ideas on this freakish illness...  I'd love to hear ideas to look into!

So Noah had his birthday party today. He absolutely loved the gymnastics. Loved jumping all over the place with his sweaty self. Loved doing the obstacle course. Loved jumping on the trampoline... well..until his leg gave out.

He cried. Noah doesn't cry. That was my first clue that something could really be wrong.Then after he stopped crying he said he wanted to play more. He got up, took two or three steps and just "crumpled". I was 80% sure at this point that something was wrong. Either he ruptured a tendon or his leg was broken. But I was still hoping it might be a bad sprain or perhaps a bruise.   You know, mommy hope.   We all have it.  

So we put ice on it. Put it up. Gave him some cake. He opened his presents. Still hurt to move it. Robyn and Jeff were here from Olympia and we were going to take them out to dinner. Robyn graciously offered to go with me to the emergency room.

We went to Childrens. I thought it might be faster because they deal with kids. No such luck. 4 hours later, we left with a hardened splint and the knowledge that Noah broke his Tibia. He might have a small fracture in his Fibula too...but its inconclusive and it doesn't matter anyway cause the treatment is the same.

Noah was a complete STAR at the hospital. He seriously never complained. He would only get upset if anyone wanted to move his leg. This kid has an incredible pain tolerance. He was really amazing.   Everyone remarked about it.   But just because he doesn't show pain, doesn't mean he doesn't feel it.   I just don't think he articulates it with tears...  so I feel like I have to advocate for him more.   He knows his mom cares... he got to the point during the ordeal where he didn't want anyone else to move him but mommy. 

So Noah is asleep right now in my bed. In a week after the swelling goes down we'll get a full blown cast. Since the fracture is right below the knee, the cast will go all the way to his upper thigh. Having a cast in the summer sucks.   I feel so bad for him.  

Disney world is in 6 weeks. I am PRAYING this thing is healed by then. We have Discovery Cove swimming with Dolphins at the beginning of our trip!!! Noah will be so disappointed if he can't do that. The doctor alluded to the fact the more we can keep him off the leg the better and faster it will heal. Guess I"ll be going to go buy a few more Ninetendo Games to keep him occupied and still.

So... .. there's my news. Poor Noah. Not exactly a fun fourth birthday party!

Oh and in other news... it looks like John (the hubby) has an abscess where his appendix ruptured... he's running a 101 degree fever and has a CAT scan scheduled for next week..... Treatment for the abscess? Surgery.   So... it's an interesting quandry we'll be in if Noah can't walk (he's too young for crutches) and John is in the hospital.   And our previous nanny has a new gig starting and probably couldn't have lifted Noah anyway....    I'll have to do another whine post about not having family that lives close by.   

The fun never stops here.   Pass me the motion sickness meds.

It's so damn hot here!   Today, Seattle is going to see temps in the high ninties.   This wouldn't be so bad if we were in the south.   Why you ask? Cause sane people in the south have central AC!    Here in the granola Pacific NW they are cut from stoic cloth that puts granola over personal comfort.  We don't destroy the ozone with blah blah carbons for a few small weeks of above 90 degree temps.   No sireebob.  (sigh)  

Sooooooo.....  I am conserving energy in my own non-granola ways.

1. I am not doing laundry today because they think it's going to be cooler.  Don't want to run the dryer.  
2. I turned off the heat dry cycle on the dishwasher this morning.  I'm not doing dishes again till it's cooler.
3. We have friends coming over for dinner and we are going to go out for steaks cause I'm too hot to cook.
4. I have the window unit running full blast in my bedroom.  It keeps the room around 72.  Not great, but beats the circulating 90+ degree air downstairs.
5. And I am PRAYING that the gymnastic place where we are holding Noah's birthday party today has central AC.  I'm pretty sure there is no cancel clause for heat.   And the idea of keeping a bunch of 4 and 5 year olds happy for 2 hours after they run around sweaty doesn't appeal to me. 
6. I'm thanking God that I bought another slip and slide after our first one ripped.    It was the last one on the shelf and a paltry 18 footer...but I bought it.    I thought I had bad Karma only getting this crappy one... now in hindsight, it's looking like mighty good karma.   Amazing how perspective helps clarify things.
7. I might just go sit in the kiddie pool.

 
Hello. My name is Kym and I am a heat wussy.

Ok.  Im getting ready to head to the beach but I had to ask you guys this question.   Do you work at "diversifying" your children's foods?  Like...  do you try to make sure they eat a wide variety of fruits and veggies?   Do you shoot for not eating processed crap so much?   Do you have any tricks?

I think since my weightloss surgery, I'm more aware of all this stuff since I malabsorb certain vitamins and fats...  And to be perfectly honest I can "see" the difference when food exits my body.  I can tell what is processed and what wasn't.   So...  I really try to feed my kids a variety.     I try to give them different colored foods too...     Does that make me weird?

Im just curious of other parents do the same thing or if they just assume that the multivitamin and fortified breads and cereals cover it all....

Inquiring mind.  That's me.  

Our next question!
 
I am trying to save up to go back to grad school but I'm also pretty sure that I can get financial aid also. I have about $5000 in credit card bills that I'm slowly but surely paying off. I have transferred all balances to a card with fixed APR of 1% and I always pay well over the min monthly payment. But in doing this I am not able to save as much money as I would like. So my question is. Is it better to go ahead and keep paying as much as I can toward the balance and keep on saving just a tincy bit at a time. Or should I be putting more into savings and just paying the min monthly payment?
 
Starting school with no credit card debt is a very smart goal!    It’s going to feel so good to have it all paid off.  

Overall, I would advise people to not confuse paying off debt with saving.   You must do both.   For me personally, I found that when we were paying down our mountain of debt (over 60K in credit cards!) I focused completely on eliminating debt.  All those magazines rightfully tell you to examine the interest rates and notice you aren’t saving anything if you carry debt.  But you really have to look at the big picture here too.  For us, we were living hand to mouth and had no emergency fund, so when the next crisis came up, we just charged the crisis.   Which totally destroyed all our progress towards paying off debt.    For us, getting into the cycle of “making savings a habit” was critical to our success.   Even when it was only $10 a week.   Because it changed our mindset.     The money felt more “real” if that makes sense because we remembered how much time it took to save it all.   We were able to develop the skills of prioritization that are critical to accumulating wealth.    And athough progress was slow, when we had crisises come up, we didn’t have to take 20 backsteps and charge stuff.   We just accessed our emergency fund.   Having an emergency fund was a cornerstone in changing how we related to money.

But back to your question.    Since you only have 5K in credit card debt, I think you are right to really focus on that.   Do you have an emergency fund?   I would advocate putting most of your money toward the credit card while you slowly build up an emergency fund equal to at least 3 months of expenses.   Once you have an emergency fund, then focus completely on the credit cards.   Of course a key component of this is not charging anything else on the credit cards. 

Two additional things to think about as you go forward:

1.  Contact the graduate school you are thinking of attending now and find out how they compute financial aid.   This will help you make more appropriate tradeoffs.

2.  If you are still carrying a debt load when you start school, see if you can consolidate your credit cards with a student loan.  Usually the interest rates are very low, some of them don’t start accruing interest till after you graduate, and many of them don’t make you start payments till after you graduate.  

Good luck with grad school!!

We just got back from swimming lessons.    I have to get the kids lunch before we head to the Fun Program at the local park where we are meeting more friends.   I need to get a move on and get a load or two into the washer before it gets really hot.

Noah and Dinara are playing in the playroom with a friend from down the street.   Emma is watching some TV.   Everyone is occupied and quiet.   And I'm savoring the silence and procratinating by blogging instead of doing household chores.    

I really do want them to go collect all their dirty laundry so I can run a few loads of wash.    I've been trying to get them to understand that picking up their own dirty laundry is part of their responsibility.    Of course, none of their laundry made it into the hamper.   So this would mean picking it up off the bathroom floor, off their bedroom floor, picking up the dirty socks that are strewn about the hallway, etc.   But part of me just wants to go do it myself.  Because teaching them the lesson just doesn't seem worth the high price of giving up peace and  quiet.

Here's my first question!! Yipee. I actually have several that have been sent and I will get to them all! Please keep them coming!

My husband and I currently live with my 87-year-old mother-in-law in a paid-for home. Because she's had some mild strokes and the home currently resides on 5 acres, we've decided to sell it. For one, it's too much work and too expensive for upkeep. Also, we need to be closer to her during the day (hubby and I work about an hour away in opposite directions). And then there's the possibility of her becoming very ill or incapacitated and she wanted to gift the house/property to my husband so that it is out of her name.

Ok... we've got a contract on the house (through a realtor) for $190,000. In turn, hubby and I have a contract on a house closer to my work for $190,000. After the realtor costs, etc. the sale will net $175k. Once all the dust settles on our purchase, it will be about $196k. Hubby and I are putting $150k down and taking mortgage at 5.75% for 15 years for $50,000. That will leave approx $4,000 from the purchase, plus the $25k left in the bank... $29k. We'll pay off $13,000 debt, put $10k into an emergency fund and use the other $6k for upgrading the house to be usable for my mother-in-law. After all is said and done we'll be in debt for the home and one vehicle ($18,000 at 3.99%)

So, is this smart? I mean not using all of the sale money for the purchase? I understand the whole interest thing... but hate to not have some kind of emergency fund. I NEVER want to go into debt again after this and hope that having that emergency fund will help us to keep from having to do so.

Thanks for your question! Before I get to your exact question I want to take a minute to explore some other potential issues that could impact what you actually “take home” from this sale.

When is the actual “gifting” taking place? You need to be concerned with tax consequences. If she has lived in the home for at least two years and she sells the house, then there should be no capital gains. Then if you take the money and buy the next house, you will need to have her name on the deed. The reason is, otherwise Uncle Sam will look at that 175K as a GIFT. He’ll know it’s a gift when you explain to the mortgage company where you came up with the money. And you will pay gift taxes on 165K of it. Ouch.

Also, are there other heirs to her estate? Even if they aren’t apparent, to be safe, you should consult a lawyer and make sure that when she dies the house transfers to YOU and not her ESTATE. Truthfully, I’m not sure how you would do this but I’m sure it can be handled via a TRUST or perhaps in her will. You don’t want to be forced into selling the house to pay off the estate. This is outside my area of expertise, but it is well worth you paying a couple hundred bucks to a real estate attorney with an estate attorney in the office to make sure you have covered all the bases.

As far as how you are planning on using the money, it sounds like a good plan. Having an emergency fund is the single biggest step that a family can do to stay out of debt. You should have enough for at least 3 months. The more you have, the more options you have. I’d probably put that money in a short term bond fund or if I was fairly certain that the 6K I was going to use for home repairs was going to “float” over the next year, I’d put it in IBONDS. I bonds are issued by the government, can be cashed at any bank and provide inflation indexed return. The only catch is that you need to hold them at least a year. There is a slight penalty (loss of 3 months of interest) if you cash them in before 5 years, but it’s worth the risk because the return is much better then a money market. And, I personally have found that I tend to “save” these better then I do in a money market account. Or maybe I should say I tend to not spend these as easily as I do from a money market account. Determining “what constitutes and emergency” is another whole topic of conversation. And for me personally, I have found bonds offer me better chances of retaining my savings. You can learn all about I bonds here and you can buy them online!

Good luck on your new home! Sounds like a great plan!!

Ok I'll give it a go. You guys email me your money questions at "kymberly@gmail.com" and I will answer them here. I need as much detail as possible. And I might email you back to get more info. I also might edit your letter for posting. I will not use your real name or identifying information in your letter. I personally don't think the 100 or so people who read this blog daily are going to generate enough questions.... but we'll see.

I'll answer questions on anything related to financial planning.

My sister Meredith called me today. Let me paint you a picture dear reader. This is my youngest sister. Meredith lives in Alabama. She has a doctorate in Radiation Biology and is studying ways to use viruses to help attack cancer. She’s a smart girl and is following her life dream to do research that will make a difference. She has a genius IQ and a debt load to beat the band to go with it.

So she calls me because she wants to go buy a new car. She wants me to play devils advocate and talk her out of it. She knows I will be a voice of “reason”. The fact that we haven’t spoken in several months… well. that goes by the way side now that she wants sisterly advice. But of course, I am happy to provide it even though I am slightly irked and feel cheap and used. (whatever!) But alas, she knows me well. Talking about money is almost as good as talking about sex.

She has an old NEON. The car is a beater and she hates it. It just doesn’t make her feel good. However she is tens of thousands of dollars in debt, has no emergency fund saved, has a husband that is only sporadically working (women in my family seem to find unemployed males very attractive – it’s a curse) and a “research” job that doesn’t pay as well as the private sector. She’s also teaching a few Anatomy courses at the local community colleges to bring in some extra money. She’s working hard to try to pay down the debt, but now she wants to go smack on 15K on top of it.

Cause you know how it is. When you are debt and you don’t think you will ever not be in debt, well… then… why not just add some more on there? Buying things is a salve for all kinds of wounds.

Her car works. But the allure of “zero down and zero interest” piques her interest. And of course, they are only offering for the one car left on the lot. She feels like she must act. And she must act NOW.

So we had a talk.

I told her if she really wanted a new car, then to focus on not saying “no” to the new car, but delaying her gratification. Every month she can go without having this new car, is equivalent to her earning 1.50 more an hour at work. Is it really worth giving up a 1.50 an hour? Would she rather have a new car or a raise?

Not to mention, the thousands of dollars she has saved to pay off her debt, would now go out the window. Cause she would be slapping another 15K in debt would add to the debt she started with a year ago. Obliterating the progress she has made

And then there’s the whole philosophy about buying new cars to begin with. I read a great article in one of my investment porn magazines about if you only bought cars 2 years old or older every 6 years between the ages of 20 and 60 and banked JUST the depreciation savings… you’d end up with a million dollars.

She said she was going to take my advice and not buy the car. We decided that it would be cheaper for her to pay $100 to detail the car and $200 for her to get a pedicure and a massage to feel better. Car would feel good, she would feel good and she would save thousands.

As I keep saying to my husband: Day Spa's can be a salve for the spirit! Sometimes a day at the Day Spa can save you more money then you realize.

My son got Spiderman2 for the GameCube and can I just say, that I am really enjoying learning to swing around NYC? It is *fun*.

And Spiderman has a nice ass.

I take my thrills where I can get 'em folks.

Today my little prince turns four.  BIG BOY FOUR!   It's been a year of achievements.   Moving into the big boy bed.  Playing with Yugi-Oh cards.   Learning how to outwit your sisters by using your words.  Playing well with others and forming friendships.  Killing Big Bowser in Super Mario Sunshine.    Learning to ride a bike.   Becoming an expert at picking out your own clothing.   
 
But I still remember the baby that they put in my arms in Kazakhstan.   It seems like yesterday.   The way you smiled so easily.  The way you snuggled up against me.  The way you impressed us with your crawling skills.   The 10 oz bottles you could guzzle every four hours.   The little chuckles that endeared us to you.
 
With each passing year your changes have amazed us and our love for you has grown.  You are such a blessing in our lives.  I love you son. 
 
Happy Fourth Birthday!

I was asleep on a hard wood cot with one of those old foam mattresses covered in striped ticking.   It looked about circa late 1950’s and felt even older.   But after a day of swimming, hiking, and keeping 6 year olds happy, it was still oddly comforting.  Even in the drafty cabin with the push out windows with holes in the screens that let in bugs bigger then a nickel… it felt like home for several months.
 
I was a camp counselor at a camp responsible for bringing inner city kids from New York City and creating memorable experiences exposing these munchkins to food, fun and fresh air.   Some of these kids had never seen a group of trees outside that of Central Park.    The forest of the camp was a scary place…   until we plied them with marshmallows and camp songs about Jesus to build up their security in more ways then one.
 
I worked at the Salvation Army’s gorgeous Star Lake Camp.  This was one of those magic summers in your life.  Filled with romance.  Filled with possibility.  Filled with expectations.   My parents actually were camp counselors for multiple year’s way back when with the classic camp story.  They met, they dated, they fell in love, they married, had a few kids, etc.  So their reality helped build up my hopes.   The camp held promise for me.   On so many levels.   I just always expected to find love at Star Lake Camp.
 
There was lots of flirting, kisses, and romantic days off strolling NYC with guys who couldn’t speak much English but looked so good I didn’t really care.   (The camp hired most of it's workforce internationally and we had counselors from many different countries in Europe.)  There were small hikes through the woods to very private lookouts, lots of swimming in cool lakes and deep friendships forged in deep conversations and secrets.  It was a magical summer.  But not in the ways I expected.
 
Back to the cot.  So it was another morning.   Dawn was beginning to break.  The cot was hard.  I was in a dead asleep.   I felt cold damp air rush in as someone opened the sleeping bag.  I felt a warm leg slide in beside me and a body curl up behind mine.   Yikes!
 
I was immediately awake.   My heart was beating fast from the shock.  Then as the last moments of sleep gave way to consciousness, I heard some soft crying in the back of my hair.  I turned over and Carmen (Actually I can’t remember her name now, I just remember it started with a C, was a mildly exotic name and she had beautiful cornrows in her hair) snuggled against me.
 
“Would you take me with you and be my mommy?” she whispered in the dark.
I gulped.   In the darkness I reached out my hand and felt the head of a corn rowed child and realized it was Carmen.
“What’s the matter Carmen?”  I said softly. 
“I don’t want to leave today.  I love you.  I don’t want to go home”.
I gave her a big hug.  I comforted her.  My heart swelled with her love.
I knew then as I comforted her in the darkness, that one day, I wanted to be a mommy.
 
I didn’t know too much about Carmen’s situation, but what little glimpses of her life I saw, were not the glimpses one expects to see of a childhood.    A drunken guy who harasses her on the landing in her building.  Previous sexual abuse.  Foster Homes.   Not enough food on the table. 
 
I held Carmen and told her everything was going to be ok.    I explained that I was only a kid myself and couldn’t take her home with me because I was still in school.   We talked till the others woke up and she told me how much she loved camp and loved me for making camp so fun for her.   I made a difference to her.  She had a full tummy (and often full pockets, as she stuffed them with food every night to take home as contraband for future hungry nights) a full schedule of fun things to do and a full heart.    Her worries of inner city life slipped away for a week and she wasn’t ready to give this feeling up to go back there.  She felt loved.   And so did I.
 
Carmen did go back of course.   I could tell you all about our last hours together but truth is, they are what you would have expected and are pretty cliché.   Lots of tears, lots of hugs and a broken heart.    That would be mine I’m talking about.  It was hard to put her on that bus.  I had always expected to fall in love at camp, but just not like this.

So what did I learn there?  Oh I don’t know.    I just know that being a camp counselor and working with children affected me deeply.   I realized I didn’t want to go into corporate law.   I realized that being a mom was a high priority of mine and that children gave me spiritual energy.  I realized that giving to others was part of why I was put here on this earth.     Actually, there are so many lessons for me at camp I can’t even articulate them all here.   But one thing is for sure, I fell in love at camp in a way I didn’t expect.

Got this from QuirkyChick
I know you love reading these Memes.
Seriously. I need to be doing something constructive today.

FIRSTS
First job: Paper Route
First screen name: Meredith on Compuserve in the 80’s.
First self-purchased CD: Uh. I dunno.
First piercing/tattoo: Ears pierced when I was 13.
First true love: Hmm. I guess my husband. Cause I define true love as a love that can stand the test of time.
First enemy: Don’t remember that kind of stuff. Life is too short to hold on to that crap.


LASTS
Last big car ride: In the big red EuroVan the other night with Jay driving.
Last kiss: My husband.
Last library book checked out: I don't check out books. I buy them.
Last movie seen: Spiderman2. Awesome.
Last beverage drank: C2
Last food consumed: Chicken Salad.
Last phone call: Neve asking to speak to Emma.
Last CD played: I don’t listen to many CDs. More radio or mp3 kind of girl.
Last annoyance:  Hubby yelling at me yesterday for "repeating myself and being critical" and then today, him screwing up what I was repeating because...yes... you guessed it... he didn't listen!!!
Last pop drank: C2
Last ice cream eaten: Vanilla.  With Chocolate that gets hard when cold.  And Rice Krispies.
Last time scolded: Well.  John scolded me.  Last time I scolded or was scolded? I scolded Dinara this morning for pushing her brother.
Last shirt worn: I’m wearing a white polo top right now.
I...
I am: Sore. I whacked my head the other night at the Pizza place and it still hurts AND my throat hurts because I have some sort of summer cold or something. although it's getting better cause Im on contriband antibotics from Mexico. 
I want: My husband to find the job of his dreams and for it to have killer health insurance and benefits.
I have: a really great life and I feel very blessed.
I wish: I had one of those happy go lucky attitudes.
I hate: when I feel out of control.
I fear: being unable to protect my kids from getting hurt.
I hear: my children and their friend playing Game Cube in the playroom.
I search: to always find ways to better myself.
I regret: not too much really. Mostly that I am not a more demonstrative person.
I love: my family.
I always: try to be consistent with my children.
I am not: spending my time wisely doing this LONG ASSED MEME.
I dance: about once a year. I should do it more.
I sing: all the time. I love to sing.
I cry: not very often.

YES or NO:
You keep a diary: this would be as close as I come to diary. I did keep a diary when I adopted the kids in Kazakhstan. I treasure it now.
You like to cook: when someone else is cleaning up for me and I can do it “right”.
You have a secret you have not shared with anyone: Tons of them.

DO YOU...?
Have a crush: yep.  Not gonna say who so they all wonder "is it me?" 
Want to get married: Nope. I’m happily married ever after.
Get motion sickness: On cruise ships.
You're a health freak: Ha.
Current hair color: Dark Brown
Eye color: Greenblue
Birthplace: PA

FAVORITES
Number: 3
Color: red
Day: Sunday
Month: Tossup between November & December
Songs: At the moment probably EVERYTHING by Alanis.
Season: My Birthday (Nov) through New Years.
Drink: Hmm. Water I think.
Alcohol: Something frozen and sweet. Or a really nice Chanti or Reisling.

PREFERENCES
Cuddle or make out: Both.  Followed closely by sexually teasing someone mercilessly till they are beggin for it.
Chocolate milk or hot chocolate: Hot chocolate made with dutch processed chocolate.
Milk, dark, or white chocolate: DARK!
Vanilla or chocolate: Chocolate. Cept cake. I prefer yellow or white cake.

IN THE LAST 24 HRS, HAVE YOU...
Cried? No
Helped someone? Yes
Bought something? Yes. 
Gotten sick? Yes. Stupid summer cold thingie.
Gone to the movies? No
Said 'I love you'?: Yep. Kids. Hubby.
Written a real letter: Amazingly yes. To my Great Grandmother.
Talked to an ex?: No.
Missed an ex?: No.
Written in a journal?: heh.
Had a serious talk?: No.  Not unless you count my argument with hubby where he wasn't listening.  And then again... I was proven right.
Missed someone? Nope.
Hugged someone? Yes, family.

You know what gives me energy? Organization. I just love the little rush I get when things are all in the right place and easy to find. I like it that it makes my life and the lives of those I love easier. When I have to wonder about where stuff is and where stuff needs to go… it is like water torture. Each little thing is like a water drop of my energy getting sucked out of me. When everything is organized it just feels so Zen.

So here is my blog posty on the zen of organization and how I do it. You know you were dying to ask about it.


Overall themes to staying organized.

• Everything must have its own place. If everything doesn’t have a ‘home” you won’t get organized. If you do not have room enough in your house for everything to have its own home, then you have too much crap.

• Purging regularly is the key to organization.

• This is going to be like stating the obvious, but don’t put things that you use regularly in hard to reach places. When you are sorting out a closet, don’t put the towels you use every week on the very top shelf you can’t reach. Don’t push vitamins you use everyday into the back. Don’t give things “homes” in places that don’t make sense.

• Have a place in your garage or closet for “things for a garage sale” and “things to be donated”. Regularly have either a garage sale/ebay and donate.

• Try to touch things only once or twice. Don’t keep moving things around. Throw it out or put it in its home.

• Throw out anything you can the first time you touch it. Seriously think about if you will ever need it again.

• If you haven’t used it in 18 months, you need to donate/get rid of it.

• A pile person is never going to be a file person. Don’t try to swim upstream. Make “baskets” your style and put things in baskets or labeled boxes. This will be mucho easier then trying to file stuff. (It does require more room however).

• Buy a label maker. Use it. I like the one at Target by DYNMO.

• I try to organize "something" at least once a week. A closet. A dresser. A junk drawer. A Fridge. I do a small project. Eventually, everything gets touched approximately once a year.



Mail/Bills

• Open mail by a trash can or place a trash can where you open the mail. Throw out all envelopes and adverts from envelopes.

• Once a month throw out all old magazines (they should all be in one place cause “everything has a home).

• Try to set up as much stuff as “automatically deducted” as you can.

• If you must pay bills, do so once a month. When you get your mail, go to the mail’s “home” and throw out all the extra stuff. File/stack all the bills in one place.



Finances

• Automatically deduct all bills you can so you don’t have to write checks or do anything.

• Pay bills online once a month. Online bill paying saves you money and it saves you time.

• If you are living “paycheck to paycheck” then spend the next 4 months paying yourself $100 a month to build up a “cushion”. This will become your “emergency fund” and you will continue to grow it over time. Saving is NOT the same as Paying down Debt.

• You must ALWAYS save and ALWAYS pay yourself first.

• Save only things you are going to need for reference or taxes. Example: You don’t need to save your cable bill. Throw it out each month.

• Once a year, box up and label everything after you do taxes and start a clean slate for next year.


Family Life

• I only keep about 10 - 20 pcs of artwork per kid, per year. It's in a big bin. Everything else gets thrown out.

• For me, it's not organizing myself as it is organizing my kids. Getting them to understand where everything goes and that they are "expected" to put things in the proper place. Takes lots of training.

• We have found though that they respond better when there isn't "too much crap" to overwhelm them.

• I cycle my kids toys and books. So fresh toys come in every 6 months or so. And I get rid of the toys that are no longer age appropriate.

• Toys need adequate shelving, bins, etc.

• If you use toy “bins” expect that you will have to go through such bins every 6 months and clean them out. They accumulate garbage. I’ve personally found that they don’t teach my kids anything about organization. But they do make things easier for faster clean up.

• Keep toys with lots of pieces up high so they have to ask for it... (and then I remind them to pick it up later and I put it back -- KNEX!!!) and there is a place for everything.

• In the toy room, we used laminated pictures for things. So there is a bin with baby dolls and picture of baby dolls. There is a basket with a picture of baby clothes...etc. I used pictures from a Toys R Us Ad. (Did this more when they were littler)

• I keep a list for what needs to be bought at Costco or the grocery store on the fridge. In theory, people are supposed to write down when they use something up. (Actually, we used to keep the Costco list in the garage on a white board but we’ve been pretty slack lately!)



Laundry

• All my kids’ drawers have labels on them that states what goes in what drawer. Even though they can’t read. Because eventually they will read and sometimes daddy puts things away. Sometimes, the key to organization is simply good reminders.

• I fold laundry and sort it when I fold it into the “drawers”.

• I do not fold underwear or jammies. They each have their own drawer.

• I do our “big laundry” once a week. I wash and dry everything one day. Fold and put away the next day. I do sheets 1 every other week. More often for the kids usually if they are soaking through.

• I bought a cheap big wicker trunk at Ikea where I keep blankets and pillows. When they were in the linen closet, the linen closet was a mess.

• I got a cheap armoire for in our hallway to store additional linens because the closet was too small. You can’t be organized if you don’t have enough space. And it wasn’t like I could get rid of sheet sets or towels. I had to find more space for linens.

• I have a “sock drawer” where I throw all unmatched socks and then I try to match them once a month. I need a better sock organization system. I am thinking about buying each kid all one color of socks….

• I cycle in clothes by season keeping just a few favorites to “hold over” between seasons. Including jackets and coats and shoes. Doing it all at once really does help to keep everyone happy. I put things away for the next kid, put it in a donate pile, or put it in the needs to be sold pile. Again, this cycling forces me purge regularly.

I used to live in chaos when I was working fulltime. My house was cluttered. I didn't really care about having stacks of crap all over the place. I only had one child and I didn't view my time as a precious currency. Then I got a nanny. She and her evil cleaning ways probably is what sparked my latent OCD tendencies. Once she started organizing me and keeping everything neat and clean, I got used to it. Damn her.

She brought me into the light. Now I am a witnessing fool for organizational zen.

Ok so I was cleaning out the lint thing from my dryer. It's on top of the dryer and it is a long tray that slides down into it. I accidently knocked a bleach cap down that thing (yes I have too much crap piled on top of my dryer!)while the lint tray was out. Now Im all freaked out afraid to use the dryer cause it could melt or start a fire or something. Yet Im not sure how to get it out either. I guess I could ask hubby to take everything a part.... but then then that's going to take away from job hunting.

Job.... Dryer. Dryer... Job. It's a tough call. Who wanted to do laundry anyway?

Crap. They put artifical hearts in people...can't they make a dryer with a self emptying lint trap or something?

If you want to see pics of the group that had Pizza head over to Chasmyn's.

If you want to see pics of the groups feet and decide who's is who's and win a possible cool prize... go to Kim's.

If you want to see my Nipple Hall of Fame... well ... I'm going to have to charge you. Because if my husband doesn't doesn't get a job soon we are going to have to start our own little Blogosphere Pay for Cheesy Porn Site where I pimp nipples for pocket change.

I'm just sayin'.

I met Mindy tonight! She's just as cute, charming and funny as she is online. We had a great time with Kim, Jay, Chasmyn and her hubby scarfing pizza and cutting up with each other in downtown Seattle. My only regret is that we didn't have time to really talk at length and get to know each other better. Chasmyn has pictures I'm sure she will be posting soon.

Enjoy Seattle Mindy! Loved meeting you! Let's do it again soon. And by the way: Aries? Virgo?

Nothing makes me smile more then hearing my kids in the back of the car belting out Avril Lavigne's COMPLICATED song. My seven year old Emma sings it with such gusto! It's so cute! And my 5 year old and 3 year old kind of just go " nah nah nah nah Fool to me. nah, nah, nah, Complicated. nah, nah, nah, makes me so (fr)'ustated" They get just enough of the words to scream the end of each sentence - usually not in tune, but very cute!

Yes I'm posioning my kids young with top forty music.

But hey, it's better then listening to Barney.

Just a quickie post before I go to bed. And don't be getting your hopes up that a quickie post is as satisfying as an authentic "quickie".

Today was so busy. I spent the morning doing errands. Seven places I stopped. Returned things to two different stores. Picked up something for a friend. Bought birthday presents and a new Slip N Slide. Bank. etc. etc. But since John was home, I didn't have to take my kiddos so that made it much faster.

The final errand stop was to visit our new Whole Foods store. Oh. My. Gosh. That place is incredible. But I'm just too freaking cheap to spend $17 a pound for Ribeye steaks. Im sorry. But I cringe at paying $9 a lb! I did visit their incredible salad bar and loaded up on the protein. Yum. I love a good salad bar. And I picked up some summer salads to try and a roasted chicken for dinner. Which was nice, cause it was over 82 degrees here and too damn hot to cook.

Then this afternoon was spent working on my husbands cover letters and resumes. I've spent the last 15 months letting him do the whole job thing "his way" without much luck. Now the control freak is going to take control. I am better at marketing then him... so it is stupid to not exploit my skills a bit. At this rate though, if he doesn't get a job soon he's going to be flippin' burgers at McDonalds. My requirements are few: I just want a paycheck and good health insurance.

Spent a couple hours talking to my sister. Then went and visited my friend who's recovering from her tummy tuck. All in all... a pretty good day!

Im fighting off some sort of summer cold. I'm praying its just allergies. I seriously do not want to waste any of my gorgeous summer being sick.

Ok off to bed for me...

Does it make me a bad role model friend person mother parent because I like my kids to play in the backyard with the quiet autistic kid from across the street versus the mouthy, whiney, never happy but very verbal kid down the block?

Yeah. I thought so.

At Dinara's fashion show was someone I used to work with -- when I used to work. They all knew me when I weighed 160 lbs more then I weigh now. And I look VERY different. After the show, I was on my way backstage to get Dinara's clothes and he was coming out. I put out my hand and shook it and said "HI H." And he gave me a blank look and said "Hi, H. B." (like I didn't know his name even though I just said it) And I continued to shake his hand. Savoring every minute. And said "Kym L. I used to run the X group at X before you took it over?" And I saw the light bulb go off. He looked me up. He looked me down. And all he could say at first was "Wow. Hi!" And then I said "I bet you didn't recognize me. I'm quite a bit different then last time you saw me". And he replied "I'll say! You look GREAT!"

And that my friends was priceless. What a great way to start the weekend.

Do you know how many times I have DREAMED about people from work seeing me now? I am so different. I've only seen a handful of people. I can't wait for the day I see one of my former bosses.

And I looked GOOD today too. That is always nice. Usually my luck is that I run into someone when my hair looks like crap, I have no makeup on, and I look like the queen of frump. But today I was *together*. And it was vaguely satisfying.

(yawn) I am so freaking tired and I do not know why. I am not sleeping well at night. I suspect it’s hormonal. Most women get hot flashes at the first sign of depleted estrogen… me I get interrupted sleep. I could blog about my whole adventure with Vivelle patch versus Vivelle Dot, but I figure not many people other then Mir would be interested in it. So I’ll sum it up with “Vivelle is so freaking big that the damn thing wrinkles on my ass”. Aren't you so glad you asked? Vivelle dot is about 25% of the size and doesn’t wrinkle thus delivering more hormones. This is all speculation on my part, but this is my best guess as measured by my mood-o-meter. I’m hoping my normal “do not wake the dead” sleeping style returns soon. And I’m sure my family hopes so too.

This morning, after much prompting, I sent my husband to the Appendix Surgeon. He had a mild temperature yesterday and he has pain in his side. Since his appendix ruptured, I’m a wee bit worried that maybe he might be developing an abscess. So hard to tell with him. He’s not great at articulating his feelings. He didn’t want to go to the doctor till his temp was over 101. What do grown single men do without wives telling them to go to the doctor?

Today is Dinara’s Fashion Show at Camp. Dinara picked Costume Making Camp because the write up talked about how they would make shoes. That’s the sole reason she picked that camp. Any camp where they make shoes seems like it would be a great camp to her. So today they are going to model their wares for us.

Emma has been in All Day Camp this week. She’s enjoyed it. She was pissed yesterday that they went swimming at the beach and she didn’t pass the swimming test. Well…she did pass the swimming test but she didn’t pass the holding your breath part. Seems she could only hold her breath for 25 seconds, not 35. So today, she’s hoping she can do it. Mommy taught her how to blow the air out really slowly and she’s hoping this helps her gain an additional 10 seconds. She was irked that even the five year old in the class passed but she didn’t. She’s a wee bit competitive. Wonder where she gets that from?

Noah’s been home all week. He couldn’t do camp till he turns four which will be in a couple weeks. Then he’s going to go to Gymnastics camp for a week and do a Day Pony Thing with Daddy.

Noah’s been mastering the Game Cube. Mastering that the word that starts with E stands for ERASE and it’s not a good thing to hit that button. Don’t ya just love natural consequences?

Anyone have any “game recommendations” for the Game Cube for a 4/5 year old? My kids have loved Super Mario Sunshine…. Noah’s birthday is coming and I want to buy him a new babysitter game.

I have a friend who called me last night and asked me why I am ignoring her.

Uh. I’m not. I’ve just been busy.

I went on to explain to her that my friend Myrna had a tummy tuck and I spent quite a few hours at her house yesterday helping her out and doing some errands for her. Over the holiday weekend, we had plans with other friends, I’ve been planning my son’s birthday party, trying to find health insurance before COBRA runs out, managing some issues with a property we own, riding my husband to get a job, and suffering complete shock and awe over a friend of mine who found out she was pregnant and gave birth 3 freaking hours later.

My friend wasn’t impressed I guess… cause she still went on to tell me how hurt she is by my neglect of our special friendship. (insert cute little rolling eyes smiley here)

Uh. I don’t have time to nurture anyone more then the primary four needy souls in my life. (That would be John and the kids, not the kids and the dog in case you were wondering.) They are my priority and all extra time and nurturing goes to them.

I do care about this person, but our communication is really relegated to the phone. I don’t really like to talk on the phone much to begin with and this friend doesn’t live close by. So… that leaves email and she feels that is impersonal. I guess we could explore IM, but seriously, I don’t do that much either.

So I was put in this awkward position of having to defend myself. I had to convince her that I was so “busy” that justified not picking up the phone. She needed to know that I was thinking of her and she was important to me I guess. And then, now that she called me, I felt like I had to talk to her for at least 30 minutes. It sucked. It wasn’t warm and fuzzy. It felt like a chore.

So… now I feel like a loser. This person feels bad because I'm not meeting her expectations for friendship. I'm feeling bad cause she's feeling bad and because I don't want to meet her lofty expectations. Somewhat selfish of me I guess. Time is just so valuable to me. I think of it like a currency. My life is very full and very busy. I guess I need to get better at setting friends expectations that I am not a “daily contact” kinda girl and I really need people in my life who can “slip in out” without being needy. Surely this is an issue for other people? How do normal folks handle this issue?

Interesting thoughts tonight by Mindy and Jay about what they think about restricting or crafting their blogging. What topics are appropriate? What words are inappropriate? Etc. (I realize Mindy's situation is different but I thought it sort related a bit in that it probably feels worse for her because she tends more towards the "journal" side vs the "story" side? Dunno. Maybe she'll comment!)

And so I wanted to ask you Gentle Readers… Do you view blogs more like a “story” that is meant to be crafted… details being sculpted and presented for the good of the story of the life? Or do you view blogging more like a journal? Raw, real, unmeasured, uncompartmentalized? Do you risk being “unpopular” in your blog if you have a view that you know isn’t going to be accepted by your readers? Or do you stay pretty much middle of the road to appeal to a wide audience?

I think I tend to fall on the more crafted side. I tend to be a more crafted person simply by nature. I think I have given up the whole notion that I can be “one person for everyone”. I simply can’t. So I compartmentalize my life – including my blogging. I am more moderate (or try to be?) then I really am. I “tone down” my extremes. My extremes are only exciting to me. I think many of my extremes would turn most people off. Thus.. I only share them with other extremists. (ie. I don't talk about weight loss surgery a lot here because it's only a small segment of my readership. I don't talk about religion or politics much because those are also very polarizing topics.) There are only a few people in my life who know and see all the compartments and can tolerate me at the extremes and accept me unconditionally. I think if I was completely anonymous in my blogging… I would feel more comfortable sharing my extremes.

And then of course, I’ve also thought about crafting an anonymous blog where I create the ultimate story…. Just for fun under the pretense that it’s real…... I'd play in the "extremes" only to make it interesting.

But then I decided that I needed a life and that would be too much work. I barely have time to keep up with my own blog.

Anyway…what about you other bloggers out there? Are you more a “crafting your blog” type person or a “raw uncensored blog” type person?

Geniune posted a half naked picture of himself!!!! Now we just need to get Jay to put out. ;-)

I found this little post it note several months ago and saved it. As the mom to a seven year old who is mastering her writing skills, we find lots of paper. But this one was really good. I think I have a budding writer on my hands.

Popcorn

Popcorn
Popcorn
I love you
Pop in the microwave
Pop Pop Pop!

Oh sure, I could type it all out… but why bother when Kim has described it in such glorious detail. Although I have to say… we did have a good time considering it all. Great company… and the kids were great. The only thing I can add to her account of a wondrous evening was the fact that our car battery died when “pulled over to the side of the road” to watch the fireworks. Lucky for me, it did finally start after I turned off the radio with the so-called “simulcast” and let it recharge.

So go read the account at Kims!

I just want to go on record as saying:

1. I do not think every fat person should have weight loss surgery.
2. I do not think every family that suffers the effects of infertility should adopt.
3. I do not think everyone who wants to adopt should adopt only internationally.
4. I do not think every person who has weight loss surgery should have plastic surgery.
5. I do not think everyone has to parent his or her children the same way and I do not think my way is necessarily the best way, but it works for me.
6. I like chocolate too much.

That’s all. Just wanted to say that. Back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Things today that made it seem like a perfect summer day:

1. Saw the perfect summer movie: Spiderman. (It was awesome!)
2. Did a grocery store run for perfect summer food: salad, rib eyes, tomato salad, baked potatoes, ice cream and apple pie and shared it with friends.
3. Weather was sunny & clear but not too warm.
4. Men were playing Frisbee in the park without shirts when I drove by.
5. Hubby got to play Halo for a few hours tonight with Jay. I like him getting to do boy stuff. So nice when geeks make friends.
6. Kids frolicked in the backyard with little fighting and lots of running.
7. I curled up on my new chair and half (my furniture came Friday!) and read Harry Potter with the peaceful sound of the sprinklers in the background. The sound of water is just so peaceful.
8. My children went to bed on time and without hassle even with other children in the house.
9. I made lunches and snacks for tomorrow’s summer camp.
10. Now I’m going to make sure my husband has a memorable summer evening in the best possible way. (wink wink)

Firstly, let me congratulate the Genuines on a most excellent way to celebrate the 4th of July! Little Adian came into the world last night at 2:30am. Please go over and give them some blogosphere love and congrats. Welcome Aidan!

Secondly, let me thank Jay and Kim for a most excellent party yesterday. We had an awesome time. Not only was it a great party but also we got to meet Chasmyn and her hubby who are new to the area and we thought they were great. Always a great day when you meet more “friends”.

Thirdly, let me wish all my American readers a happy Fourth of July. Happy Birthday America! It's an extra happy day for some lucky person out there.

Fourthly I get to meet Mindy in a week on her visit to Seattle!! How cool is that? I get to meet the legend. I'll win her over with my cool wit, warm charm and lots of alcohol (or at least some great Seattle coffee!).

We were in Florida on vacation and it was evening time. It was the witching hour. You parents will understand what I mean by that phrase. It’s the time of day when your kids go a bit nuts and you wonder if your sanity will hold out till bedtime. It’s almost like they have some little internal clock that winds tighter and tighter as the sun goes down.

It was hot. The afternoon tropical rain had given way to sunny 92 degree twilight. The air even felt heavy to breathe. And like any good mommy, I was struggling to think how I could go about not only entertaining my brood, but creating a cool memory filled evening -- without having the kids up too late. Then it hit me: let’s go out for ice cream!

Everyone was incredibly excited. In the car my 4 year old daughter Dinara was explaining in great detail about the difference between the cones, the types of chocolate ice cream and the merits of sprinkles vs. M & M’s for toppings. Dinara looks forward to trips to the ice cream parlor like other kids look forward to trips to an amusement park.

After much debate in front of the ice cream counter the kids made their choices. Emma got a Butter Pecan and Vanilla Cone with rainbow sprinkles. Dinara got Chocolate Chunk and Mint Chocolate Chip with Chocolate sprinkles. Noah got an Oreo Cookie and Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream in a cup with whipped crème. They were jumping up and down they were so excited.

Emma got her cone first. And it promptly slipped from her hand and fell smack on the floor. Just like watching a death defying action stunt in a movie, we all gasped in unison. She was devastated. The heat, the build up for the ice cream, the witching hour and then the cone loss all blended together to set up a perfect melt down. Her bottom lip began to tremble and she did a Puss-N-Boots sad kitten imitation that could win an Oscar before the tears started streaming.

I handed Dinara and Noah their ice creams and knelt down to comfort Emma. Her sobs muffled in the nape of my neck as I stroked her back and told her we could get her another one. But before the words were completely out of my mouth, Dinara without provocation, pushed between us and offered her cone to Emma. Before even taking a lick herself, she offered her confection treasure to her sister to lessen her suffering. She put her sister before herself. I shot her a proud smile. She beamed in the glory of knowing she did something right and good.

It was one of those “ah-ha” moments that wash away parenting ‘am I raising them right’ worries. My child recognized her sibling’s suffering and she gave up something she loved to make her sister feel better. She demonstrated compassion without prompting. Compassion married by providence. What more could a parent ask for?

Why don’t all minivans have five point harnesses? I mean seriously, isn’t the extra safety worth it? Nascar drivers are in a five point harness. Why not my children? Hell why not all car passengers?

Yesterday, we realized that the seat belts in the back of our Town and Country Minivan weren’t “locking” properly. Or so I thought. You know how shoulder straps usually lock when you pull them very fast? Mine in the back were not. Well I about freaked out.

Today I spent way too many hours at MULTIPLE dealerships trying to figure out what is going on. Is this a problem? Are the belts working to specifications? You wouldn’t believe how hard it was to get people to even give a rip. To make a long story short, the guy told me that I could recreate the “lock” on the front seats because they want the driver to maintain control of the car. But in the back seats, the system would happen on “impact”. You can’t really recreate it unless you want to go fast and then do a sudden stop so the little balance thingie is triggered in the seat belts and they lock up.

So I looked this guy dead in the eye and said: “So what you are telling me is that you can’t test the very belts that hold my CHILDREN? That you want me to simply take your word for it, that everything is working even though it has different behavior then the ones we know that work and simply wait and see that this “different system” will work if I am in a car crash”.

He sheepishly looked at me and said “Yeah”.

Maybe I should I blog this as my “act of compassion” for Jay’s Blogging for Books. Cause seriously, it was an act of compassion that I didn’t wring this poor slob’s neck.

So even though I didn’t get the backseat figured out, I did learn that my car seat in the middle bucket seat wasn't installed properly and that there is an extra latch that needs to be attached to the shoulder strap to hold it in a high impact crash. This cute little latch was attached to the back of the seat and I was nothing short of amazed it was still there! Makes me sick to think I didn’t have it installed right all these years. And this knowledge still doesn’t make me feel better about my 80 lb seven year old using the shoulder strap in the back seat. That problem remains.

So gentle readers-- I’m irked. I did go and try out a bunch of other minivans and it seems mine works the same way as other Chrysler and Dodge minivans. So those of you with other vans, can you please comment on the brand, year and type of van and let me know if your back seat shoulder straps “lock” if they are pulled hard and fast without you having to recreate an accident? Let’s just do an informal little poll!

I’ll then use this information to write a nice little letter to Chrysler and perhaps the media. Mean while, I'm doing research to figure out just how safe my seven year old is in the back and what steps I can take to make sure she's as safe as possible.